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London. Another street.
[Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS]
PRINCE HENRY
Trust me, I am exceeding weary.
POINS
Is it come to that? I had thought weariness durst not have attached one of
so high blood.
PRINCE HENRY
It doth me: though it discolors the complexion of my greatness to
acknowledge it. Doth it not show vilely in me, to desire small beer?
POINS
Why, a prince should not be so loosely studied, as to remember so weak a
composition.
PRINCE HENRY
Belike then, my appetite was not princely got: for (by my troth) I do now
remember the poor creature, small beer. But indeed these humble
considerations make me out of love with my greatness. What a disgrace is it
to me, to remember thy name? or to know thy face tomorrow? or to take note
how many pair of silk stockings thou hast (that is these, and those that were
thy peach-colored ones). or to bear the inventory of thy shirts, as one for
superfluity, and one other, for use. But that the tennis-court keeper knows
better than I, for it is a low ebb of linen with thee, when thou keepst not
racket there, as thou hast not done a great while, because the rest of thy
low countries, have made a shift to eat up thy holland.
POINS
How ill it follows, after you have labored so hard, you should talk so idly?
Tell me how many good young princes would do so, their fathers lying so
sick, as yours is?
PRINCE HENRY
Shall I tell thee one thing, Poins?
POINS
Yes: and let it be an excellent good thing.
PRINCE HENRY
It shall serve among wits of no higher breeding than thine.
POINS
Go to: I stand the push of your one thing, that you will tell.
PRINCE HENRY
Why, I tell thee, it is not meet, that I should be sad now my father is
sick: albeit I could tell thee (as to one it pleases me) for fault of a
better, to call my friend, I could be sad, and sad indeed too.
POINS
Very hardly, upon such a subject.
PRINCE HENRY
Thou thinkst me as far in the devil's book, as thou and Falstaff,
for obduracy and persistency. let the end try the man. But I tell thee, my
heart bleeds inwardly, that my father is so sick: and keeping such vile
company as thou art, hath in reason taken from me, all ostentation of sorrow.
POINS
The reason?
PRINCE HENRY
What wouldst thou think of me, if I should weep?
POINS
I would think thee a most princely hypocrite.
PRINCE HENRY
It would be every man's thought: and thou art a blessed fellow to think as
every man thinks: never a man's thought in the world, keeps the road-way
better than thine: every man would think me an hypocrite indeed. And what
accites your most worshipful thought to think so?
POINS
Why, because you have been so lewd, and so much engraffed to Falstaff.
PRINCE HENRY
And to thee.
POINS
Nay, I am well spoken of, I can hear it with my own ears: the worst
that they can say of me is, that I am a second brother, and that I am a proper
fellow of my hands: and those two things I confess I cannot help. Look, look, here comes Bardolph.
[Enter BARDOLPH and Page]
PRINCE HENRY
And the boy that I gave Falstaff, he had him from
me Christian, and see if the fat villain have not
transformed him ape.
BARDOLPH
Save you, grace.
PRINCE HENRY
And yours, most noble Bardolph.
BARDOLPH
Come you pernicious ass, you bashful fool, must you be blushing? wherefore
blush you now? What a maidenly man-at-arms are you become? Is it such a
matter to get a pottle-pot's maidenhead?
PAGE
He called me eene now (my lord) through a red lattice, and I could discern no
part of his face from the window: at last I spied his eyes, and methought he
had made two holes in the ale-wife's new petticoat, and peeped through.
PRINCE HENRY
Has not the boy profited?
BARDOLPH
Away, you whoreson upright rabbit, away.
PAGE
Away, you rascally Althaea's dream, away.
PRINCE HENRY
Instruct us boy: what dream, boy?
PAGE
Marry (my lord) Althaea dreamed, she was delivered of a fire-brand, and
therefore I call him her dream.
PRINCE HENRY
A crown's worth of good interpretation: there it is, boy.
POINS
O that this good blossom could be kept from cankers: Well, there is
sixpence to preserve thee.
BARDOLPH
If you do not make him hanged among you, the gallows shall have wrong.
PRINCE HENRY
And how doth thy master, Bardolph?
BARDOLPH
Well, my good lord: He heard of your grace's coming to town. there's a letter for
you.
POINS
Delivered with good respect: And how doth the martlemas, your master?
BARDOLPH
In bodily health sir.
POINS
Marry, the immortal part needs a physician: but that moves not him: though
that be sick, it dies not.
PRINCE HENRY
I do allow this wen to be as familiar with me, as my dog: and he holds his
place, for look you how be writes.
POINS [Reads]
John Falstaff knight. (Every man must know that, as oft as he has
occasion to name himself) even like those that are kin to the king, for they
never prick their finger, but they say, There is some of the king's blood
spilled. How comes that (says he) that takes upon him not to conceive? The
answer is as ready as a borrower's cap: I am the king's poor cousin,
sir.
PRINCE HENRY
Nay, they will be kin to us, or they will fetch it from Japhet. But to the
letter:
POINS [Reads]
Sir John Falstaff, knight, to the son of the king, nearest his father,
Harry Prince of Wales, greeting.
Why this is a certificate.
PRINCE HENRY
Peace.
POINS [Reads]
I will imitate the honorable Romans in brevity.
Sure he means brevity in
breath: short-winded.
I commend me to thee, I commend thee, and I leave
thee. Be not too familiar with Poins, for he misuses thy favors so much,
that he swears thou art to marry his sister Nell. Repent at idle times as
thou mayst, and so farewell. Thine, by yea and no, which is as much as to
say, as thou usest him, JACK FALSTAFF with my familiars
JOHN with my
brothers and sisters: and SIR
JOHN, with all Europe.
My lord, I'll steep
this letter in sack, and make him eat it.
PRINCE HENRY
That's to make him eat twenty of his words. But do you use me thus Ned?
must I marry your sister?
POINS
May the wench have no worse fortune. But I never said so.
PRINCE HENRY
Well, thus we play the fools with the time, and the spirits of the wise, sit
in the clouds and mock us: Is your master here in London?
BARDOLPH
Yes my lord.
PRINCE HENRY
Where sups he? Doth the old boar, feed in the old frank?
BARDOLPH
At the old place my lord, in Eastcheap.
PRINCE HENRY
What company?
PAGE
Ephesians my lord, of the old church.
PRINCE HENRY
Sup any women with him?
PAGE
None my lord, but old Mistress Quickly, and Mistress Doll Tearsheet.
PRINCE HENRY
What pagan may that be?
PAGE
A proper gentlewoman, sir, and a kinswoman of my master's.
PRINCE HENRY
Even such kin, as the parish heifers are to the town bull. Shall we steal
upon them (Ned) at supper?
POINS
I am your shadow my lord, I'll follow you.
PRINCE HENRY
Sirrah, you boy, and Bardolph, no word to your master that I am yet come to
town.
There's for your silence.
BARDOLPH
I have no tongue, sir.
PAGE
And for mine sir, I will govern it.
PRINCE HENRY
Fare you well: go.
This Doll Tearsheet should be some road.
[Exeunt BARDOLPH and Page]
POINS
I warrant you, as common as the way between Saint Alban's, and London.
PRINCE HENRY
How might we see Falstaff bestow himself tonight, in his true colors, and not
ourselves be seen?
POINS
Put on two leathern jerkins, and aprons, and wait upon him at his table, as
drawers.
PRINCE HENRY
From a God, to a bull? a heavy decension: it was Jove's case. From a prince
to a prentice, a low transformation, that shall be mine: for in everything,
the purpose must weigh with the folly. Follow me Ned.
[Exeunt]