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Henry IV part one

Act II, Scene 2

The highway, near Gadshill.
 
[Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS]
 
POINS
Come shelter, shelter, I have removed Falstaff's horse, and he frets like a gummed velvet.
 
PRINCE HENRY
Stand close.
 
[Enter FALSTAFF]
 
FALSTAFF
Poins, Poins, and be hanged Poins.
 
PRINCE HENRY
Peace ye fat-kidneyed rascal, what a brawling dost thou keep.
 
FALSTAFF
What Poins, Hal?
 
PRINCE HENRY
He is walked up to the top of the hill, I'll go seek him.
 
FALSTAFF
I am accursed to rob in that thief's company: the rascal hath removed my horse, and tied him I know not where. If I travel but four foot by the squier further afoot, I shall break my wind. Well, I doubt not but to die a fair death for all this, if I scape hanging for killing that rogue, I have forsworn his company hourly any time this two and twenty years, and yet I am bewitched with the rogue's company. If the rascal hath not given me medicines to make me love him, I'll be hanged; it could not be else: I have drunk medicines. Poins, Hal, a plague upon you both. Bardolph, Peto: I'll starve ere I'll rob a foot further. And 'twere not as good a deed as to drink, to turn true man, and to leave these rogues, I am the veriest varlet that ever chewed with a tooth. Eight yards of uneven ground, is threescore and ten miles afoot with me: and the stony-hearted villains know it well enough. A plague upon it, when thieves cannot be true one to another. Whew: a plague upon you all, Give me my horse you rogues: give me my horse, and be hanged.
 
PRINCE HENRY
Peace ye fat-guts, lie down, lay thine ear close to the ground, and list if thou canst hear the tread of travellers.
 
FALSTAFF
Have you any levers to lift me up again being down? I'll not bear mine own flesh so far afoot again, for all the coin in thy father's exchequer. What a plague mean ye to colt me thus?
 
PRINCE HENRY
Thou liest, thou art not colted, thou art uncolted.
 
FALSTAFF
I prithee good Prince Hal, help me to my horse, good king's son.
 
PRINCE HENRY
Out ye rogue, shall I be your ostler?
 
FALSTAFF
Go hang thyself in thine own heir-apparent garters: If I be tane, I'll peach for this: And I have not ballads made on you all, and sung to filthy tunes, let a cup of sack be my poison: when a jest is so forward, and afoot too, I hate it.
 
[Enter GADSHILL, BARDOLPH and PETO]
 
GADSHILL
Stand.
 
FALSTAFF
So I do against my will.
 
POINS
O 'tis our setter, I know his voice.
Bardolph, what news?
 
BARDOLPH
Case ye, case ye; on with your vizards, there's money of the king's coming down the hill, 'tis going to the king's exchequer.
 
FALSTAFF
You lie you rogue, 'tis going to the king's tavern.
 
GADSHILL
There's enough to make us all.
 
FALSTAFF
To be hanged.
 
PRINCE HENRY
You four shall front them in the narrow lane: Ned and I, will walk lower; if they scape from your encounter, then they light on us.
 
PETO
But how many be of them?
 
GADSHILL
Some eight or ten.
 
FALSTAFF
Will they not rob us?
 
PRINCE HENRY
What, a coward Sir John Paunch?
 
FALSTAFF
Indeed I am not John of Gaunt your grandfather; but yet no coward, Hal.
 
PRINCE HENRY
We'll leave that to the proof.
 
POINS
Sirrah Jack, thy horse stands behind the hedge, when thou needst him, there thou shalt find him. Farewell, and stand fast.
 
FALSTAFF
Now cannot I strike him, if I should be hanged.
 
PRINCE HENRY
Ned, where are our disguises?
 
POINS
Here hard by: stand close.
 
FALSTAFF
Now my masters, happy man be his dole, say I: every man to his business.
 
[Enter the Travellers]
 
FIRST TRAVELER
Come neighbor: the boy shall lead our horses down the hill: we'll walk afoot awhile, and ease our legs.
 
THIEVES
Stay.
 
TRAVELERS
Jesus bless us.
 
FALSTAFF
Strike down with them, cut the villains' throats; a whoreson caterpillars: bacon-fed knaves, they hate us youth; down with them, fleece them.
 
TRAVELERS
O, we are undone, both we and ours forever.
 
FALSTAFF
Hang ye gorbellied knaves, are ye undone? No ye fat chuffs, I would your store were here. On bacons, on, What ye knaves? Young men must live, you are Grand-jurors, are ye? we'll jure ye in faith.
 
[Here they rob them and bind them. Exeunt. Enter PRINCE HENRY and POINS]
 
PRINCE HENRY
The thieves have bound the true men: Now could thou and I rob the thieves, and go merrily to London, it would be argument for a week, laughter for a month, and a good jest forever.
 
POINS
Stand close, I hear them coming.
 
[Enter the Thieves again]
 
FALSTAFF
Come my masters, let us share, and then to horse before day: And the Prince and Poins be not two arrant cowards, there's no equity stirring. There's no more valor in that Poins, than in a wild-duck.
 
PRINCE HENRY
Your money.
 
POINS
Villains.
 
[As they are sharing, the Prince and Poins set upon them. they all run away, leaving the booty behind them]
 
PRINCE HENRY
Got with much ease. Now merrily to horse: The thieves are scattered, and possessed with fear so strongly, that they dare not meet each other: each takes his fellow for an officer. Away good Ned, Falstaff sweats to death, and lards the lean earth as he walks along: were it not for laughing, I should pity him.
 
POINS
How the rogue roared.
 
[Exeunt]

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