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OLIVIA'S house.
[Enter MARIA and Clown]
MARIA
Nay, either tell me where thou hast been, or I will not open my lips so wide
as a bristle may enter, in way of thy excuse: my lady will hang thee for thy
absence.
CLOWN
Let her hang me: he that is well hanged in this world, needs to fear no
colors.
MARIA
Make that good.
CLOWN
He shall see none to fear.
MARIA
A good lenten answer: I can tell thee where that saying was born, of I fear
no colors.
CLOWN
Where good Mistress Mary?
MARIA
In the wars, and that may you be bold to say in your foolery.
CLOWN
Well, God give them wisdom that have it: and those that are fools, let them
use their talents.
MARIA
Yet you will be hanged for being so long absent, or to be turned away: is
not that as good as a hanging to you?
CLOWN
Many a good hanging, prevents a bad marriage: and for turning away, let
summer bear it out.
MARIA
You are resolute then?
CLOWN
Not so neither, but I am resolved on two points.
MARIA
That if one break, the other will hold: or if both break, your gaskins
fall.
CLOWN
Apt in good faith, very apt: Well go thy way, if Sir Toby would leave
drinking, thou wert as witty a piece of Eve's flesh, as any in Illyria.
MARIA
Peace you rogue, no more of that: Here comes my lady: make your excuse
wisely, you were best.
[Exit]
CLOWN
Wit, and it be thy will, put me into good fooling: Those wits that think they
have thee, do very oft prove fools: and I that am sure I lack thee, may
pass for a wise man. For what says Quinapalus, Better a witty fool, than a
foolish wit. God bless thee lady.
[Enter OLIVIA with MALVOLIO]
OLIVIA
Take the fool away.
CLOWN
Do you not hear fellows, take away the lady.
OLIVIA
Go to, you're a dry fool: I'll no more of you: besides you grow dishonest.
CLOWN
Two faults madonna, that drink and good counsel will amend: for give the
dry fool drink, then is the fool not dry: bid the dishonest man mend
himself, if he mend, he is no longer dishonest; if he cannot, let the
botcher mend him: anything that's mended, is but patched: virtue that
transgresses, is but patched with sin, and sin that amends, is but patched
with virtue. If that this simple syllogism will serve, so: if it will not,
what remedy? As there is no true cuckold but calamity, so beauty's a flower;
the lady bade take away the fool, therefore I say again, take her away.
OLIVIA
Sir, I bade them take away you.
CLOWN
Misprision in the highest degree. Lady, cucullus non facit monachum: that's
as much to say, as I wear not motley in my brain: Good madonna, give me leave
to prove you a fool.
OLIVIA
Can you do it?
CLOWN
Dexterously, good madonna.
OLIVIA
Make your proof.
CLOWN
I must catechise you for it madonna, good my mouse of virtue answer me.
OLIVIA
Well sir, for want of other idleness, I'll bide your proof.
CLOWN
Good madonna, why mournst thou?
OLIVIA
Good fool, for my brother's death.
CLOWN
I think his soul is in hell, madonna.
OLIVIA
I know his soul is in heaven, fool.
CLOWN
The more fool (madonna) to mourn for your brother's soul, being in heaven.
Take away the fool, gentlemen.
OLIVIA
What think you of this fool Malvolio, doth he not mend?
MALVOLIO
Yes, and shall do, till the pangs of death shake him: infirmity that decays
the wise, doth ever make the better fool.
CLOWN
God send you sir, a speedy infirmity, for the better increasing your folly:
Sir Toby will be sworn that I am no fox, but he will not pass his word for
two pence that you are no fool.
OLIVIA
How say you to that Malvolio?
MALVOLIO
I marvel your ladyship takes delight in such a barren rascal: I saw him put
down the other day, with an ordinary fool, that has no more brain than a
stone. Look you now, he's out of his guard already: unless you laugh and
minister occasion to him, he is gagged. I protest I take these wise men,
that crow so at these set kind of fools, no better than the fools' zanies.
OLIVIA
Oh you are sick of self-love Malvolio, and taste with a distempered
appetite. To be generous, guiltless, and of free disposition, is to take
those things for bird-bolts, that you deem cannon bullets: there is no
slander in an allowed fool, though he do nothing but rail; nor no railing, in
a known discreet man, though he do nothing but reprove.
CLOWN
Now Mercury endue thee with leasing, for thou speakst well of fools.
[Enter MARIA]
MARIA
Madam, there is at the gate, a young gentleman, much desires to speak with
you.
OLIVIA
From the Count Orsino, is it?
MARIA
I know not (madam) 'tis a fair young man, and well attended.
OLIVIA
Who of my people hold him in delay?
MARIA
Sir Toby madam, your kinsman.
OLIVIA
Fetch him off I pray you, he speaks nothing but madman: fie on him.
Go you Malvolio; if it be a suit from the count, I am sick, or not at home.
What you will, to dismiss it. Now you see sir, how your fooling grows old,
and people dislike it.
CLOWN
Thou hast spoke for us (madonna) as if thy eldest son should be a fool:
whose skull, Jove cram with brains, for here he comes. One of thy kin has
a most weak pia mater.
[Enter SIR TOBY BELCH]
OLIVIA
By mine honor half drunk. What is he at the gate cousin?
SIR TOBY BELCH
A gentleman.
OLIVIA
A gentleman? What gentleman?
SIR TOBY BELCH
'Tis a gentleman here. A plague of these pickle-herring: How now sot.
CLOWN
Good Sir Toby.
OLIVIA
Cousin, cousin, how have you come so early by this lethargy?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Lechery, I defy lechery: There's one at the gate.
OLIVIA
Aye marry, what is he?
SIR TOBY BELCH
Let him be the devil and he will, I care not: give me faith say I. Well,
it's all one.
[Exit]
OLIVIA
What's a drunken man like, fool?
CLOWN
Like a drowned man, a fool, and a madman: one draft above heat, makes him a
fool, the second mads him, and a third drowns him.
OLIVIA
Go thou and seek the crowner, and let him sit on my coz: for he's in the
third degree of drink: he's drowned: go look after him.
CLOWN
He is but mad yet madonna, and the fool shall look to the madman.
[Exit]
MALVOLIO
Madam, yond young fellow swears he will speak with you. I told him you were
sick, he takes on him to understand so much, and therefore comes to speak
with you. I told him you were asleep, he seems to have a foreknowledge of
that too, and therefore comes to speak with you. What is to be said to him
lady, he's fortified against any denial.
OLIVIA
Tell him he shall not speak with me.
MALVOLIO
Has been told so: and he says he'll stand at your door like a sheriff's
post, and be the supporter to a bench, but he'll speak with you.
OLIVIA
What kind of man is he?
MALVOLIO
Why of mankind.
OLIVIA
What manner of man?
MALVOLIO
Of very ill manner: he'll speak with you, will you, or no.
OLIVIA
Of what personage, and years is he?
MALVOLIO
Not yet old enough for a man, nor young enough for a boy: as a squash is
before 'tis a peascod, or a cooling when 'tis almost an apple: 'tis with him
in standing water, between boy and man. He is very well favored and he
speaks very shrewishly: one would think his mother's milk were scarce out of
him.
OLIVIA
Let him approach: call in my gentlewoman.
MALVOLIO
Gentlewoman, my lady calls.
[Exit. Enter MARIA]
OLIVIA
Give me my veil: come, throw it ore my face,
We'll once more hear
Orsino's embassy.
[Enter VIOLA, and Attendants]
VIOLA
The honorable lady of the house, which is she?
OLIVIA
Speak to me, I shall answer for her: Your will?
VIOLA
Most radiant, exquisite, and unmatchable beauty. I pray you tell me if this
be the lady of the house, for I never saw her. I would be loath to cast away
my speech: for besides that it is excellently well penned, I have taken
great pains to con it. Good beauties, let me sustain no scorn; I am very
comptible, even to the least sinister usage.
OLIVIA
Whence came you sir?
VIOLA
I can say little more than I have studied, and that question's out of my
part. Good gentle one, give me modest assurance, if you be the lady of the
house, that I may proceed in my speech.
OLIVIA
Are you a comedian?
VIOLA
No my profound heart: and yet (by the very fangs of malice, I swear) I am
not that I play. Are you the lady of the house?
OLIVIA
If I do not usurp myself, I am.
VIOLA
Most certain, if you are she, you do usurp yourself: for what is yours to
bestow, is, not yours to reserve. But this is from my commission: I will on
with my speech in your praise, and then show you the heart of my message.
OLIVIA
Come to what is important in it: I forgive you the praise.
VIOLA
Alas, I took great pains to study it, and 'tis poetical.
OLIVIA
It is the more like to be feigned, I pray you keep it in. I heard you were
saucy at my gates, and allowed your approach rather to wonder at you, than to
hear you. If you be not mad, be gone: if you have reason, be brief: 'tis not
that time of moon with me, to make one in so skipping a dialogue.
MARIA
Will you hoist sail sir, here lies your way.
VIOLA
No good swabber, I am to hull here a little longer. Some mollification for
your giant, sweet lady; tell me your mind, I am a messenger.
OLIVIA
Sure you have some hideous matter to deliver, when the courtesy of it is so
fearful. Speak your office.
VIOLA
It alone concerns your ear: I bring no overture of war, no taxation of
homage; I hold the olive in my hand: my words are as fun of peace, as matter.
OLIVIA
Yet you began rudely. What are you? what would you?
VIOLA
The rudeness that hath appeared in me, have I learned from my entertainment.
What I am, and what I would, are as secret as maidenhead: to your ears,
divinity; to any other's, profanation.
OLIVIA
Give us the place alone,
We will hear this divinity. Now sir, what is your text?
[Exeunt MARIA and Attendants]
VIOLA
Most sweet lady.
OLIVIA
A comfortable doctrine, and much may be said of it. Where lies your text?
VIOLA
In Orsino's bosom.
OLIVIA
In his bosom? In what chapter of his bosom?
VIOLA
To answer by the method in the first of his heart.
OLIVIA
O, I have read it: it is heresy. Have you no more to say?
VIOLA
Good madam, let me see your face.
OLIVIA
Have you any commission from your lord, to negotiate with my face: You are
now out of your text: but we will draw the curtain, and show you the picture.
Look you sir, such a one I was this present: is it not well done?
[Unveiling]
VIOLA
Excellently done, if God did all.
OLIVIA
'Tis in grain sir, 'twill endure wind and weather.
VIOLA
, ,
, ,
,
'Tis beaut|y tru|ly blent,| whose red | and white,
,
, ,
, ,
Nature's | own sweet,| and cun|ning hand |
laid^on:
,
, ,
, ,
Lady,| you are | the cruel|est she | alive,
, ,
, ,
,
If you | will lead | these gra|ces to | the grave,
,
, ,
And leave | the world | no cop|y. \\
OLIVIA
O sir, I will not be so hard-hearted: I will give out divers schedules of my
beauty. It shall be inventoried and every particle and utensil labelled to
my will: as, item two lips indifferent red, item two grey eyes, with lids
to them: item, one neck, one chin, and so forth. Were you sent hither to
praise me?
VIOLA
,
, ,
, ,
I see | you what | you are,| you are / too
proud:
,
, ,
, ,
But if | you were | the dev|il, you | are fair:
,
, ,
, ,
My lord,| and mast|er loves | you: O | such love
,
, ,
, ,
Could be | but rec|ompensed,| though you | were
crowned
, ,
,
The non|pareil | of beaut|y.
OLIVIA
,
, , ->
How | does he ||
love me?
VIOLA
, , ,
,
With ad|ora|tions, fert|ile tears,
, ,
, ,
,
With groans | that thund|er love,| with sighs |
of fire.
OLIVIA
, ,
, ,
x
Your lord | does know | my mind,| I can|not love
him
, ,
, 2 ,
x
Yet I | suppose | him virt|uous, know | him noble,
, ,
, ,
,
Of great | estate,| of fresh | and stain|less
youth;
, , ,
T T . T
2 ->
In voi|ces well | divulged,| free, learned and val|iant,
, 2 ,
, 2 ,
,
And | in dimen|sion and the | shape of | nature,
??
, x
, 2 , ,
A gra|cious person;| but yet | I cannot | love
him:
, ,
, ,
,
He might | have took | his ans|wer long | ago.
VIOLA
, , ,
, ,
If I | did love | you in | my mast|er's flame,
, ,
2 , ,
,
With such | a suf|fering, such | a dead|ly life:
, , ,
, ,
In your | deni|al, I | would find | no sense,
, ,
x
I would | not und|erstand it.
OLIVIA
,
,
Why, what | would
you?
VIOLA
, ,
, ,
,
Make me | a wil|low cab|in at | your gate,
, , ,
, ,
And call | upon | my soul | within | the house,
, ,
, ,
,
Write^loy|al cant|ons of | contem|ned love,
, , x ,
,
And sing | them loud | even in | the dead | of
night:
, , , ,
2 ,
Halloo | your name / to the | reverb|erate hills,
, , ,
, ,
And make | the bab|bling gos|sip of | the air,
, , 2
, ,
,
Cry out | Oliv|ia: O | you should | not rest
, ,
, , ,
Between | the el|ements | of air,| and earth,
, ,
,
But you | should pit|y me.
OLIVIA
,
,
You might | do much:
, 2 , 2
What is your | parentage? \\
VIOLA
, ,
, ,
,
Above | my for|tunes, yet | my state | is well:
, ,
,
I am | a gent|leman.
OLIVIA
, , __
Get you | to your | lord: (tri with prev)
, , ,
, ,
I can|not love | him: let | him send | no
more,
, ,
, , ,
Unless |(perchance)| you come | to me | again,
, ,
, ,
,
To tell | me how | he takes | it: Fare | you
well:
, ,
, , ,
I thank | you for | your pains:| spend this / for
me.
VIOLA
2 , T T
T , ,
I am no | fee'd post, la|dy; keep | your purse,
, , ,
, ,
My mast|er, not | myself,| lacks^rec|ompense.
T T . T
, ,
,
Love make his heart | of flint,| that you |
shall love,
, , ,
, ,
And let | your ferv|or like | my mast|er's be,
, ,
, , ,
Placed in | contempt:| Farewell | fair cru/elty.
[Exit]
OLIVIA
, 2 , 2
What is your | parentage? \\
, , ,
, ,
Above | my for|tunes, yet | my state | is
well;
, , 2 ,
, ,
I am | a gent|leman. I'll | be sworn | thou art,
, ,
, ,
x
Thy tongue,| thy face,| thy limbs,| actions,| and
spirit,
, ,
x , ,
, ->
Do give | thee five-|fold^blazon:| not^too*/
fast: soft,|| soft,
, ,
2 ,
,
Un|less the | master | were the man.| How now?
, ,
, , ,
Even | so quick|ly may / one catch | the plague?
, T T
T , ,
Methinks | I feel this | youth's per|fections
, ,
, , ,
With an | invis|ible,| and sub|tle stealth
, ,
, ,
,
To creep | in at | mine^eyes.| Well, let | it be.
, , 2
What ho,| Malvo|lio.
[Enter Malvolio]
MALVOLIO
, ,
2 ,
2->
Here | madam,| at your serv||ice.
OLIVIA
, ,
, ,
,
Run^aft|er that / same peev|ish mes|senger
, ,
, ,
,
The count's | man: he | left this | ring be|hind
him
, ,
, ,
,
Would I,| or not:| tell him,| I'll none | of it.
, ,
, ,
,
Desire | him not | to flat|ter with | his lord,
, ,
, 2 ,
,
Nor hold | him up | with hopes,| I am not | for
him:
, 2 ,
, ,
,
If that the | youth will | come this | way
to|morrow,
, , ,
, , , , ->
I'll give | him reas|ons for | it: hie | thee
Mal||voli|o.
MALVOLIO
, ,
oo
Mad/am, | I will.|
OLIVIA
, , ,
, ,
I do | I know | not what,| and fear | to find
, ,
, 2 ,
,
Mine^eye | too great | a flat|terer for | my
mind:
, ,
, ,
,
Fate, show*| thy force,| ourselves | we do | not
owe, ??
, ,
, ,
,
What is | decreed,| must be:| and be | this so.
[Exit]