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The Merry Wives of Windsor

Act II, Scene 3

A field near Windsor.
 
[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS and RUGBY]
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Jack Rugby!
 
RUGBY
Sir?
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Vat is de clock, Jack?
 
RUGBY
'Tis past the hour, sir, that Sir Hugh promised to meet.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, he has save his soul, dat he is no come; he has pray his Pible well, dat he is no come: by gar, Jack Rugby, he is dead already, if he be come.
 
RUGBY
He is wise, sir; he knew your worship would kill him, if he came.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, de herring is no dead so as I vill kill him. Take your rapier, Jack; I vill tell you how I vill kill him.
 
RUGBY
Alas, sir, I cannot fence.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Villany, take your rapier.
 
RUGBY
Forbear; here's company.
 
[Enter Host, SHALLOW, SLENDER, and PAGE]
 
HOST
Bless thee, bully doctor!
 
SHALLOW
Save you, Master Doctor Caius!
 
PAGE
Now, good master doctor!
 
SLENDER
Give you good morrow, sir.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Vat be all you, one, two, tree, four, come for?
 
HOST
To see thee fight, to see thee foin, to see thee traverse; to see thee here, to see thee there; to see thee pass thy punto, thy stock, thy reverse, thy distance, thy montant. Is he dead, my Ethiopian? is he dead, my Francisco? ha, bully! What says my Aesculapius? my Galen? my heart of elder? ha! is he dead, bully stale? is he dead?
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, he is de coward Jack priest of de vorld; he is not show his face.
 
HOST
Thou art a Castalion-King-Urinal. Hector of Greece, my boy!
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
I pray you, bear vitness that me have stay six or seven, two, tree hours for him, and he is no come.
 
SHALLOW
He is the wiser man, master doctor: he is a curer of souls, and you a curer of bodies; if you should fight, you go against the hair of your professions. Is it not true, Master Page?
 
PAGE
Master Shallow, you have yourself been a great fighter, though now a man of peace.
 
SHALLOW
Bodykins, Master Page, though I now be old and of the peace, if I see a sword out, my finger itches to make one. Though we are justices and doctors and churchmen, Master Page, we have some salt of our youth in us; we are the sons of women, Master Page.
 
PAGE
'Tis true, Master Shallow.
 
SHALLOW
It will be found so, Master Page. Master Doctor Caius, I am come to fetch you home. I am sworn of the peace: you have showed yourself a wise physician, and Sir Hugh hath shown himself a wise and patient churchman. You must go with me, master doctor.
 
HOST
Pardon, guest-justice. A word, Mounseur Mockwater.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Mock-vater! vat is dat?
 
HOST
Mock-water, in our English tongue, is valour, bully.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, den, I have as mush mock-vater as de Englishman. Scurvy jack-dog priest! by gar, me vill cut his ears.
 
HOST
He will clapper-claw thee tightly, bully.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Clapper-de-claw! vat is dat?
 
HOST
That is, he will make thee amends.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, me do look he shall clapper-de-claw me; for, by gar, me vill have it.
 
HOST
And I will provoke him to it, or let him wag.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Me tank you for dat.
 
HOST
And, moreover, bully,--but first, master guest, and Master Page, and eke Cavaleiro Slender, go you through the town to Frogmore.
 
Aside to them
 PAGE Sir Hugh is there, is he?
 
HOST
He is there: see what humour he is in; and I will bring the doctor about by the fields. Will it do well?
 
SHALLOW
We will do it.
 
PAGE SHALLOW SLENDER
Adieu, good master doctor.
 
[Exeunt PAGE, SHALLOW, and SLENDER]
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, me vill kill de priest; for he speak for a jack-an-ape to Anne Page.
 
HOST
Let him die: sheathe thy impatience, throw cold water on thy choler: go about the fields with me through Frogmore: I will bring thee where Mistress Anne Page is, at a farm-house a-feasting; and thou shalt woo her. Cried I aim? said I well?
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, me dank you for dat: by gar, I love you; and I shall procure-a you de good guest, de earl, de knight, de lords, de gentlemen, my patients.
 
HOST
For the which I will be thy adversary toward Anne Page. Said I well?
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
By gar, 'tis good; vell said.
 
HOST
Let us wag, then.
 
DOCTOR CAIUS
Come at my heels, Jack Rugby.
 
[Exeunt]

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