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Rousillon. The COUNT's palace.
[Enter COUNTESS and Clown]
COUNTESS
Come on sir, I shall now put you to the height of your breeding.
CLOWN
I will show myself highly fed, and lowly taught, I know my business is but
to the court.
COUNTESS
To the court, why what place make you special, when you put off that with
such contempt, but to the court?
CLOWN
Truly madam, if God have lent a man any manners, he may easily put it off at
court: he that cannot make a leg, put off his cap, kiss his hand, and say
nothing, has neither leg, hands, lip, nor cap; and indeed such a fellow, to
say precisely, were not for the court. But for me, I have an answer will
serve all men.
COUNTESS
Marry that's a bountiful answer that fits all questions.
CLOWN
It is like a barber's chair that fits all buttocks, the pin-buttock, the
quatch-buttock, the brawn buttock, or any buttock.
COUNTESS
Will your answer serve fit to all questions?
CLOWN
As fit as ten groats is for the hand of an attorney, as your French crown
for your taffeta punk, as Tib's rush for Tom's forefinger, as a pancake for
Shrove Tuesday, a morris for May day, as the nail to his hole, the cuckold
to his horn, as a scolding queen to a wrangling knave, as the nun's lip to
the friar's mouth, nay as the pudding to his skin.
COUNTESS
Have you, I say, an answer of such fitness for all questions?
CLOWN
From below your duke, to beneath your constable, it will fit any question.
COUNTESS
It must be an answer of most monstrous size, that must fit all demands.
CLOWN
But a trifle neither in good faith, if the learned should speak truth of it:
here it is, and all that belongs to it. Ask me if I am a courtier, it shall
do you no harm to learn.
COUNTESS
To be young again if we could: I will be a fool in question, hoping to be
the wiser by your answer. I pray you sir, are you a courtier?
CLOWN
O Lord sir there's a simple putting off: More, more, a hundred of them.
COUNTESS
Sir I am a poor friend of yours, that loves you.
CLOWN
O Lord sir, thick, thick, spare not me.
COUNTESS
I think sir, you can eat none of this homely meat.
CLOWN
O Lord sir; nay put me to it, I warrant you.
COUNTESS
You were lately whipped sir as I think.
CLOWN
O Lord sir, spare not me.
COUNTESS
Do you cry O Lord sir at your whipping, and spare not me? Indeed your O Lord
sir, is very sequent to your whipping: you would answer very well to a
whipping if you were but bound to it.
CLOWN
I nere had worse luck in my life in my O Lord, sir: I see things may serve
long, but not serve ever.
COUNTESS
I play the noble housewife with the time, to entertain it so merrily with a
fool.
CLOWN
,
, ,
T T . T
O Lord | sir, why | there it | serves well again.
COUNTESS
,
, 2 ,
T Tx T
And end | sir to your | business;| give Helen
this,
,
, ,
, ,
And urge | her to | a pres|ent ans|wer back,
,
, ,
, ,
Commend | me to | my kins|men, and | my son,
T . T
T
This is not much.
CLOWN
, , ,
3 3
Not much^|commen|dation to them.
COUNTESS
,
, 2 ,
, ,
->
Not much^|employ|ment for you,| you und|erstand
|| me.
CLOWN
, ,
2 2 ,
, ,
Most | fruitfully,| I am there | before,| my
legs.
COUNTESS
,
,
Haste you | again. \\
[Exeunt]