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A part of the Grecian camp.
[Enter AJAX and THERSITES]
AJAX
Thersites?
THERSITES
Agamemnon, how if he had boils (full) all over generally?
AJAX
Thersites?
THERSITES
And those boils did run, say so; did not the general run, were not that a
botchy core?
AJAX
Dog.
THERSITES
Then would come some matter from him: I see none now.
AJAX
Thou bitch-wolf's son, canst thou not hear? Feel then.
[Beating him]
THERSITES
The plague of Greece upon thee, thou mongrel beef-witted lord.
AJAX
Speak then thou vinewedst leaven speak, I will beat thee into handsomeness.
THERSITES
I shall sooner rail thee into wit and holiness: but I think thy horse will
sooner con an oration, than thou learn a prayer without book: Thou canst
strike, canst thou? A red murrain of thy jade's tricks.
AJAX
Toadstool, learn me the proclamation.
THERSITES
Dost thou think I have no sense thou strikst me thus?
AJAX
The proclamation.
THERSITES
Thou art proclaimed a fool, I think.
AJAX
Do not porpentine, do not; my fingers itch.
THERSITES
I would thou didst itch from head to foot, and I had the scratching of thee,
I would make thee the loathsomest scab in Greece.
AJAX
I say the proclamation.
THERSITES
Thou grumblest and railest every hour on Achilles, and thou art as full of
envy at his greatness, as Cerberus is at Proserpine's beauty. Aye, that thou
barkest at him.
AJAX
Mistress Thersites.
THERSITES
Thou shouldest strike him.
AJAX
Cobloaf.
THERSITES
He would pun thee into shivers with his fist, as a sailor breaks a biscuit.
AJAX
You whoreson cur.
THERSITES
Do, do.
AJAX
Thou stool for a witch.
THERSITES
Aye, do, do, thou sodden-witted lord: thou hast no more brain than I have in
mine elbows: an assinego may tutor thee. Thou scurvy valiant ass, thou art
here but to thrash Troyans, and thou art bought and sold among those of any
wit, like a barbarian slave. If thou use to beat me, I will begin at thy
heel, and tell what thou art by inches, thou thing of no bowels thou.
AJAX
You dog.
THERSITES
You scurvy lord.
AJAX
You cur.
THERSITES
Mars his idiot: do rudeness, do camel, do, do.
[Enter ACHILLES and PATROCLUS]
ACHILLES
Why how now Ajax? Wherefore do you this? How now Thersites? What's the
matter man?
THERSITES
You see him there, do you?
ACHILLES
Aye, what's the matter.
THERSITES
Nay look upon him.
ACHILLES
So I do: what's the matter?
THERSITES
Nay but regard him well.
ACHILLES
Well, why I do so.
THERSITES
But yet you look not well upon him; for whosoever you take him to be, he is
Ajax.
ACHILLES
I know that fool.
THERSITES
Aye, but that fool knows not himself.
AJAX
Therefore I beat thee.
THERSITES
Lo, lo, lo, lo, what modicums of wit he utters! his evasions have ears thus
long. I have bobbed his brain more than he has beat my bones: I will buy
nine sparrows for a penny, and his pia mater is not worth the nineth part of
a sparrow. This lord (Achilles) Ajax who wears his wit in his belly, and his
guts in his head, I'll tell you what I say of him.
ACHILLES
What?
THERSITES
I say this Ajax--
ACHILLES
Nay good Ajax.
THERSITES
Has not so much wit.
ACHILLES
Nay, I must hold you.
THERSITES
As will stop the eye of Helen's needle, for whom he comes to fight.
ACHILLES
Peace fool.
THERSITES
I would have peace and quietness, but the fool will not: he there, that he,
look you there.
AJAX
O thou damned cur, I shall--
ACHILLES
Will you set your wit to a fool's.
THERSITES
No I warrant you, for a fool's will shame it.
PATROCLUS
Good words Thersites.
ACHILLES
What's the quarrel?
AJAX
I bade the vile owl, go learn me the tenor of the proclamation, and he rails
upon me.
THERSITES
I serve thee not.
AJAX
Well, go to, go to.
THERSITES
I serve here voluntarily.
ACHILLES
Your last service was sufferance, 'twas not voluntary, no man is beaten
voluntary: Ajax was here the voluntary, and you as under an impress.
THERSITES
Eene so, a great deal of your wit too lies in your sinews, or else there be
liars. Hector have a great catch, if he knock out either of your brains, he
were as good crack a fusty nut with no kernel.
ACHILLES
What with me too Thersites?
THERSITES
There's Ulysses, and old Nestor, whose wit was moldy ere your grandsires had
nails on their toes, yoke you like draft-oxen, and make you plow up the
wars.
ACHILLES
What? What?
THERSITES
Yes good sooth, to Achilles, to Ajax, to--
AJAX
I shall cut out your tongue.
THERSITES
'Tis no matter, I shall speak as much as thou afterwards.
PATROCLUS
No more words Thersites.
THERSITES
I will hold my peace when Achilles' brooch bids me, shall I?
ACHILLES
There's for you Patroclus.
THERSITES
I will see you hanged like clotpoles ere I come any more to your tents; I
will keep where there is wit stirring, and leave the faction of fools.
[Exit]
PATROCLUS
A good riddance.
ACHILLES
, ,
2 , ,
,
Marry | this sir | is proclaimed | through all |
our host,
, ,
, ,
,
That Hec|tor by | the fifth | hour of | the sun,
,
, , ,
,
Will with | a trump|et, 'twixt | our tents | and
Troy
,
, , ,
,
Tomor|row morn|ing call | some knight | to arms,
,
, ,
2 , ,
That hath | a stom|ach, and | such a one | that
dare
,
, , , ,
Maintain | I know | not what:| 'tis trash.|
Farewell.
AJAX
,
, , 2
Farewell:| who shall | answer him? (pickup)
ACHILLES
, ,
, , 2
,
I know | not, 'tis | put to | lottery:| otherwise
????
, ,
He knew | his man. (picked up)
AJAX
,
, 2 , T
T Tx
O mea|ning you,| I will go | learn more of it.
[Exeunt]