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The Same. A street.
[Enter CRESSIDA and ALEXANDER]
CRESSIDA
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Who were | those went by?
ALEXANDER
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Queen Hecuba,| and Helen. (tri with prev)
CRESSIDA
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And whith|er go | they?
ALEXANDER
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Up | to the east|ern tower,
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Whose height | commands | as sub|ject all | the
vale,
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To see | the bat|tle: Hec|tor whose | patience,
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Is as | a vir|tue fixed,| today | was moved:
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He chid | Andro|mache and struck | his arm|orer,
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And like | as there | were hus|bandry | in war
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Before | the sun | rose, he | was har|nessed
light,
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And to the | field goes he;| where eve|ry flower
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Did as | a pro|phet weep | what it | foresaw,
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In Hec|tor's wrath.
CRESSIDA
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What was his | cause of | anger?
ALEXANDER
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The noise goes this;| there is | among | the
Greeks,
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A lord | of Tro|jan blood,| nephew to | Hector,
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They call | him A|jax.
CRESSIDA
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Good;/ and what | of him?
ALEXANDER
They say he is a very man per se and stands alone.
CRESSIDA
So do all men, unless they are drunk, sick, or have no legs.
ALEXANDER
This man lady, hath robbed many beasts of their particular additions, he is
as valiant as the lion, churlish as the bear, slow as the elephant: a man
into whom nature hath so crowded humors, that his valor is crushed into
folly, his folly sauced with discretion: there is no man hath a virtue, that
he hath not a glimpse of, nor any man an attaint, but he carries some stain
of it. He is melancholy without cause, and merry against the hair, he hath
the joints of everything, but everything so out of joint, that he is a gouty
Briareus, many hands and no use; or purblind Argus, all eyes and no sight.
CRESSIDA
But how should this man that makes me smile, make Hector angry?
ALEXANDER
They say he yesterday coped Hector in the battle and struck him down, the
disdain and shame whereof, hath ever since kept Hector fasting and waking.
CRESSIDA
Who comes here?
ALEXANDER
Madam your uncle Pandarus.
CRESSIDA
Hector's a gallant man.
ALEXANDER
As may be in the world lady.
PANDARUS
What's that? what's that?
CRESSIDA
Good morrow uncle Pandarus.
PANDARUS
Good morrow cousin Cressid: what do you talk of? Good morrow Alexander. How
do you cousin? When were you at Ilium?
CRESSIDA
This morning uncle.
PANDARUS
What were you talking of when I came? Was Hector armed and gone ere ye came
to Ilium? Helen was not up? Was she?
CRESSIDA
Hector was gone but Helen was not up.
PANDARUS
Even so; Hector was stirring early.
CRESSIDA
That were we talking of, and of his anger.
PANDARUS
Was he angry?
CRESSIDA
So he says here.
PANDARUS
True he was so; I know the cause too, he'll lay about him today I can tell
them that, and there's Troilus will not come far behind him, let them take
heed of Troilus; I can tell them that too.
CRESSIDA
What is he angry too?
PANDARUS
Who Troilus?
Troilus is the better man of the two.
CRESSIDA
Oh Jupiter; there's no comparison.
PANDARUS
What not between Troilus and Hector? Do you know a man if you see him?
CRESSIDA
Aye, if I ever saw him before and knew him.
PANDARUS
Well I say Troilus is Troilus.
CRESSIDA
Then you say as I say,
For I am sure he is not Hector.
PANDARUS
No nor Hector is not Troilus in some degrees.
CRESSIDA
'Tis just, to each of them he is himself.
PANDARUS
Himself? Alas poor Troilus I would he were.
CRESSIDA
So he is.
PANDARUS
Condition I had gone barefoot to India.
CRESSIDA
He is not Hector.
PANDARUS
Himself? No? He's not himself, would he were himself: well, the gods are
above, time must friend or end: well Troilus well, I would my heart were in
her body; no, Hector is not a better man than Troilus.
CRESSIDA
Excuse me.
PANDARUS
He is elder.
CRESSIDA
Pardon me, pardon me.
PANDARUS
The other's not come to it, you shall tell me another tale when the other's
come to it: Hector shall not have his wit this year.
CRESSIDA
He shall not need it if he have his own.
PANDARUS
Nor his qualities.
CRESSIDA
No matter.
PANDARUS
Nor his beauty.
CRESSIDA
'Twould not become him, his own's better.
PANDARUS
You have no judgment niece; Helen herself swore the other day, that Troilus
for a brown favor (for so 'tis I must confess) not brown neither.
CRESSIDA
No, but brown.
PANDARUS
'Faith to say truth, brown and not brown.
CRESSIDA
To say the truth, true and not true.
PANDARUS
She praised his complexion above Paris.
CRESSIDA
Why Paris hath color enough.
PANDARUS
So he has.
CRESSIDA
Then Troilus should have too much. If she praised him above, his complexion
is higher than his, he having color enough, and the other higher, is too
flaming a praise for a good complexion. I had as lief Helen's golden tongue
had commended Troilus for a copper nose.
PANDARUS
I swear to you,
I think Helen loves him better than Paris.
CRESSIDA
Then she's a merry Greek indeed.
PANDARUS
Nay I am sure she does, she came to him the other day into the compassed
window, and you know he has not past three or four hairs on his chin.
CRESSIDA
Indeed a tapster's arithmetic may soon bring his particulars therein, to a
total.
PANDARUS
Why he is very young, and yet will he within three pound lift as much as his
brother Hector.
CRESSIDA
Is he so young a man, and so old a lifter?
PANDARUS
But to prove to you that Helen loves him, she came and puts me her white
hand to his cloven chin.
CRESSIDA
Juno have mercy, how came it cloven?
PANDARUS
Why, you know 'tis dimpled,
I think his smiling becomes him better than any man in all Phrygia.
CRESSIDA
Oh he smiles valiantly.
PANDARUS
Does he not?
CRESSIDA
Oh yes, an 'twere a cloud in autumn.
PANDARUS
Why go to then, but to prove to you that Helen loves Troilus.
CRESSIDA
Troilus will stand to the
Proof, if you'll prove it so.
PANDARUS
Troilus? Why he esteems her no more than I esteem an addle egg.
CRESSIDA
If you love an addle egg as well as you love an idle head, you would eat
chickens in the shell.
PANDARUS
I cannot choose but laugh to think how she tickled his chin, indeed she has
a marvellous white hand I must needs confess.
CRESSIDA
Without the rack.
PANDARUS
And she takes upon her to spy a white hair on his chin.
CRESSIDA
Alas poor chin? Many a wart is richer.
PANDARUS
But there was such laughing, Queen Hecuba laughed that her eyes ran ore.
CRESSIDA
With millstones.
PANDARUS
And Cassandra laughed.
CRESSIDA
But there was more temperate fire under the pot of her eyes: did her eyes
run ore too?
PANDARUS
And Hector laughed.
CRESSIDA
At what was all this laughing?
PANDARUS
Marry at the white hair that Helen spied on Troilus' chin.
CRESSIDA
And it had been a green hair, I should have laughed too.
PANDARUS
They laughed not so much at the hair, as at his pretty answer.
CRESSIDA
What was his answer?
PANDARUS
Quoth she, here's but two and fifty hairs on your chin, and one of them is
white.
CRESSIDA
This is her question.
PANDARUS
That's true, make no question of that, two and fifty hairs quoth he, and one
white, that white hair is my father, and all the rest are his sons. Jupiter
quoth she, which of these hairs is Paris my husband? The forked one quoth
he, plucked out and give it him: But there was such laughing, and Helen so
blushed, an Paris so chafed, and all the rest so laughed, that it passed.
CRESSIDA
So let it now,
For it has been while going by.
PANDARUS
Well cousin,
I told you a thing yesterday; think on it.
CRESSIDA
So I do.
PANDARUS
I'll be sworn 'tis true, he will weep you and 'twere a man born in April.
CRESSIDA
And I'll spring up in his tears, an 'twere a nettle against May.
[A retreat sounded]
PANDARUS
Hark they are coming from the field, shall we stand up here and see them, as
they pass toward Ilium, good niece do, sweet niece Cressida.
CRESSIDA
At your pleasure.
PANDARUS
Here, here, here's an excellent place, here we may see most bravely, I'll
tell you them all by their names, as they pass by, but mark Troilus above
the rest.
[AENEAS passes]
CRESSIDA
Speak not so loud.
PANDARUS
That's Aeneas, is not that a brave man, he's one of the flowers of Troy I
can tell you, but mark Troilus, you shall see anon.
CRESSIDA
Who's that?
[ANTENOR passes]
PANDARUS
That's Antenor, he has a shrewd wit I can tell you, and he's a man good
enough, he's one of the soundest judgments in Troy whosoever, and a proper
man of person; when comes Troilus? I'll show you Troilus anon, if he see me,
you shall see him nod at me.
CRESSIDA
Will he give you the nod?
PANDARUS
You shall see.
CRESSIDA
If he do, the rich shall have more.
[HECTOR passes]
PANDARUS
That's Hector, that, that, look you, that there's a fellow. Go thy way
Hector, There's a brave man niece, O brave Hector! Look how he looks?
there's a countenance; is it not a brave man?
CRESSIDA
O brave man!
PANDARUS
Is he not? it does a man's heart good, look you what hacks are on his
helmet, look you yonder, do you see? :ook you there? There's no jesting,
laying on, take it off, who will as they say, there be hacks.
CRESSIDA
Be those with swords?
PANDARUS
Swords, anything he cares not, an the devil come to him, it's all one, by
God's lid it does one's heart good. Yonder comes Paris, yonder comes Paris:
Look ye yonder niece, is it not a gallant man too, is it not? Why this is
brave now: who said he came hurt home today? He's not hurt, why this will do
Helen's heart good now, ha? Would I could see Troilus now, you shall see
Troilus anon.
CRESSIDA
Who's that?
[HELENUS passes]
PANDARUS
That's Helenus, I marvel where Troilus is, that's Helenus, I think he went
not forth today: That's Helenus.
CRESSIDA
Can Helenus fight uncle?
PANDARUS
Helenus no: Yes he'll fight indifferent, well, I marvel where Troilus is;
Hark, do you not hear the people cry Troilus? Helenus is a priest.
CRESSIDA
What sneaking fellow comes yonder?
[TROILUS passes]
PANDARUS
Where? Yonder? That's Deiphobus. 'Tis Troilus! There's a man niece, hem;
Brave Troilus the prince of chivalry.
CRESSIDA
Peace, for shame peace.
PANDARUS
Mark him, note him: O brave Troilus: Look well upon him niece, look you how
his sword is bloodied, and his helm more hacked than Hector's, and how he
looks, and how he goes. O admirable youth! He nere saw three and twenty. Go
thy way, Troilus, go thy way, had I a sister were a grace, or a daughter a
goddess, he should take his choice. O admirable man! Paris? Paris is dirt to
him, and I warrant, Helen to change, would give an eye to boot.
CRESSIDA
Here come more.
[Forces pass]
PANDARUS
Asses, fools, dolts, chaff and bran, chaff and bran; porridge after meat. I
could live and die in the eyes of Troilus. Nere look, nere look; the eagles
are gone, crows and daws, crows and daws: I had rather be such a man as
Troilus, than Agamemnon and all Greece.
CRESSIDA
There is among the Greeks Achilles, a better man than Troilus.
PANDARUS
Achilles? A drayman, a porter, a very camel.
CRESSIDA
Well, well.
PANDARUS
Well, well? Why have you any discretion? have you any eyes? Do you know what
a man is? Is not birth, beauty, good shape, discourse, manhood, learning,
gentleness, virtue, youth, liberality, and so forth: the spice, and salt
that season a man?
CRESSIDA
Aye, a minced man, and then to be baked with no date in the pie, for then
the man's date's out.
PANDARUS
You are such another woman, one knows not at what ward you lie.
CRESSIDA
Upon my back, to defend my belly; upon my wit, to defend my wiles; upon my
secrecy, to defend mine honesty; my mask, to defend my beauty, and you to
defend all these: and at all these wards I lie at, at a thousand watches.
PANDARUS
Say one of your watches.
CRESSIDA
Nay I'll watch you for that, and that's one of the chiefest of them too: if
I cannot ward what I would not have hit, I can watch you for telling how I
took the blow, unless it swell past hiding, and then it's past watching.
PANDARUS
You are such another.
[Enter Troilus's Boy]
BOY
Sir, my lord would instantly speak with you.
PANDARUS
Where?
BOY
At your own house.
PANDARUS
Good boy tell him I come, I doubt he be hurt. Fare ye well good niece.
CRESSIDA
Adieu uncle.
PANDARUS
I'll be with you niece by and by.
CRESSIDA
To bring uncle.
PANDARUS
Aye, a token from Troilus.
CRESSIDA
By the same token, you are a bawd.
[Exit PANDARUS]
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Words, vows, gifts,| tears, and love's | full
sacrifice, ????
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He of|fers in | anoth|er's ent|erprise:
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But more | in Troi|lus thous|and fold | I see,
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Than in | the glass | of Pan|dar's praise | may
be;
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Yet hold | I off.| Women are | angels | wooing,
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Things^won | are done,| joy's soul lies | in the
doing:
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That she | beloved,| knows^nought,| that knows |
not this;
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Men^prize | the thing | ungained,| more than | it
is.
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That she | was nev|er yet,| that ev|er knew
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Love^got | so sweet,| as when | desire | did sue:
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Therefore | this max|im out | of love | I teach;
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Achieve|ment, is | command;| ungained,| beseech.
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That though | my heart's contents | firm^love |
doth^bear, ??
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Nothing | of that | shall from | mine eyes |
appear.
[Exeunt]