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A street.
[Enter BENVOLIO and MERCUTIO]
MERCUTIO
Where the devil should this Romeo be? Came he not home tonight?
BENVOLIO
Not to his father's, I spoke with his man.
MERCUTIO
Why that same pale hard-hearted wench, that Rosaline torments him so, that
he will sure run mad.
BENVOLIO
Tybalt, the kinsman of old Capulet, hath sent a letter to his father's
house.
MERCUTIO
A challenge on my life.
BENVOLIO
Romeo will answer it.
MERCUTIO
Any man that can write, may answer a letter.
BENVOLIO
Nay, he will answer the letter's master how he dares, being dared.
MERCUTIO
Alas poor Romeo, he is already dead stabbed with a white wench's black eye,
shot through the ear with a love song, the very pin of his heart, cleft with
the blind bow-boy's butt-shaft, and is he a man to encounter Tybalt?
BENVOLIO
Why what is Tybalt?
MERCUTIO
More than prince of cats. Oh he is the courageous captain of
compliments: He fights as you sing prick-song, keeps time, distance, and
proportion, he rests me his minim, one, two, and the third in your bosom:
the very butcher of a silk button, a duellist, a duellist: a gentleman of
the very first house of the first and second cause: ah, the immortal
passado the punto reverso, the hai.
BENVOLIO
The what?
MERCUTIO
The pox of such antic lisping affecting fantasticoes, these new tuners of
accent: Jesu a very good blade, a very tall man, a very good whore.
Why is not this a lamentable thing grandsire, that we should be thus
afflicted with these strange flies: these fashion-mongers, these
pardon-me's, who stand so much on the new form, that they cannot at ease on
the old bench. O their bones, their bones.
[Enter ROMEO]
BENVOLIO
Here comes Romeo, here comes Romeo.
MERCUTIO
Without his roe, like a dried herring. O flesh, flesh, how art thou fishified?
Now is he for the numbers that Petrarch flowed in: Laura to his lady, was but
a kitchen wench, marry she had a better love to be-rhyme her: Dido a dowdy,
Cleopatra a gipsy, Helen and Hero, hildings and harlots: Thisbe a grey eye or
so, but not to the purpose. Signior Romeo, bon jour, there's a French
salutation to your French slop: You gave us the counterfeit fairly last
night.
ROMEO
Good morrow to you both, What counterfeit did I give you?
MERCUTIO
The slip sir, the slip, can you not conceive?
ROMEO
Pardon Mercutio, my business was great, and in such a case as mine, a
man may strain courtesy.
MERCUTIO
That's as much as to say, such a case as yours constrains a man to bow in
the hams.
ROMEO
Meaning to courtesy.
MERCUTIO
Thou hast most kindly hit it.
ROMEO
A most courteous exposition.
MERCUTIO
Nay, I am the very pink of courtesy.
ROMEO
Pink for flower.
MERCUTIO
Right.
ROMEO
Why then is my pump well flowered.
MERCUTIO
Sure wit, follow me this jest, now till thou hast worn out thy pump, that
when the single sole of it is worn, the jest may remain after the wearing,
sole singular.
ROMEO
O single-soled jest,
Solely singular for the singleness.
MERCUTIO
Come between us good Benvolio, my wits faint.
ROMEO
Switch and spurs,
Switch and spurs, or I'll cry a match.
MERCUTIO
Nay, if thy wits run the wild-goose chase, I have done: for thou hast more
of the wild-goose in one of thy wits, than I am sure I have in my whole
five. Was I with you there for the goose?
ROMEO
Thou wast never with me for anything, when thou wast not there for the goose.
MERCUTIO
I will bite thee by the ear for that jest.
ROMEO
Nay, good goose bite not.
MERCUTIO
Thy wit is a very bitter sweeting,
It is a most sharp sauce.
ROMEO
And is it not well served in to a sweet goose?
MERCUTIO
Oh here's a wit of cheveril, that stretches from an inch narrow, to an
ell broad.
ROMEO
I stretch it out for that word, broad, which added to the goose, proves thee
far and wide, a broad goose.
MERCUTIO
Why is not this better now, than groaning for love, now art thou sociable,
now art thou Romeo: now art thou what thou art, by art as well as by nature,
for this drivelling love is like a great natural, that runs lolling up and
down to hide his bauble in a hole.
BENVOLIO
Stop there, stop there.
MERCUTIO
Thou desirst me to stop in my tale against the hair.
BENVOLIO
Thou wouldst else have made thy tale large.
MERCUTIO
O thou art deceived, I would have made it short, or I was come to the
whole depth of my tale, and meant indeed to occupy the argument no longer.
[Enter Nurse and PETER]
ROMEO
Here's goodly gear.
A sail, a sail.
BENVOLIO
Two, two: a shirt and a smock.
NURSE
Peter?
PETER
Anon.
NURSE
My fan Peter?
MERCUTIO
Good Peter to hide her face?
For her fan's the fairer face?
NURSE
God ye good morrow gentlemen.
MERCUTIO
God ye good den fair gentlewoman.
NURSE
Is it good den?
MERCUTIO
'Tis no less I tell you: for the bawdy hand of the dial is now upon the
prick of noon.
NURSE
Out upon you: what a man are you?
ROMEO
One gentlewoman,
That God hath made, for himself to mar.
NURSE
By my troth it is well said, for himself to, mard quoth he: Gentlemen, can
any of you tell me where I may find the young Romeo?
ROMEO
I can tell you: but young Romeo will be older when you have found him, than
he was when you sought him: I am the youngest of that name, for fault of a
worse.
NURSE
You say well.
MERCUTIO
Yea is the worst well,
Very well took: in faith, wisely, wisely.
NURSE
If you be he sir,
I desire some confidence with you.
BENVOLIO
She will indite him to some supper.
MERCUTIO
A bawd, a bawd, a bawd. So ho.
ROMEO
What hast thou found?
MERCUTIO
No hare sir, unless a hare sir in a lenten pie, that is something stale
and hoar ere it be spent.
[Sings]
D D D
D ,
D D
An old | hare hoar,| and an old | hare hoar
, ,
T T T oo
Is ve|ry good | meat in lent.|
, ,
,
,
But a hare | that is hoar | is too much | for a
score,
2 ,
, ,
oo
When it hoars | ere it | be spent,|
Romeo, will you come to your father's? we'll to dinner thither.
ROMEO
I will follow you.
MERCUTIO
Farewell ancient lady:
[Singing]
Farewell lady, lady, lady.
[Exeunt MERCUTIO and BENVOLIO]
NURSE
I pray you sir, what saucy merchant was this that was so
full of his ropery?
ROMEO
A gentleman nurse, that loves to hear himself talk, and will speak more in
a minute, than he will stand to in a month.
NURSE
And he speak anything against me, I'll take him down, and he were lustier than
he is, and twenty such Jacks: and if I cannot, I'll find those that shall:
Scurvy knave, I am none of his flirt-gills, I am none of his skains-mates, and thou must stand by too
and suffer every knave to use me at his pleasure.
PETER
I saw no man use you a pleasure: if I had, my weapon should quickly have
been out, I warrant you, I dare draw as soon as another man, if I see
occasion in a good quarrel, and the law on my side.
NURSE
Now afore God, I am so vexed, that every part about me quivers, scurvy
knave: Pray you sir a word: and as I told you, my young lady bade me
inquire you out, what she bade me say, I will keep to myself: but first let
me tell ye, if ye should lead her into a fool's paradise, as they say: it
were a very gross kind of behavior, as they say: for the gentlewoman is
young: and therefore, if you should deal double with her, truly it were an
ill thing to be offered to any gentlewoman, and very weak dealing.
ROMEO
Nurse commend me to thy lady and mistress, I protest unto thee.
NURSE
Good heart, and in faith I will tell her as much:
Lord, Lord she will be a joyful woman.
ROMEO
What wilt thou tell her nurse? thou dost not mark me?
NURSE
2 ,
, 2 ,
, ,
I will tell | her sir,| that you do | protest,| which as
x
, ,
, ,
I take it,| is a | gentle|manlike | offer.
ROMEO
Bid her devise some means to come to
shrift this afternoon, ????
, ,
, , ,
And there | she shall | at Fri|ar Laur|ence'
cell
,
, ,
, ,
Be shrived | and mar|ried: here | is for | thy pains.
NURSE
, , ,
, oo
No tru|ly sir | not a | penny.|
ROMEO
, ,
,
Go to,| I say | you shall. \\
NURSE
, , , ,
,
This aft|ernoon | sir? Well | she shall | be there.
ROMEO
, ,
, , ,
And stay | good^nurse | behind | the ab|bey wall,
, , ,
, ,
Within | this hour | my man | shall be | with
thee,
, ,
, , ,
And bring | thee cords | made like | a tack|led
stair,
, 2
T T T , ,
Which to the | high top-gal|lant of | my joy,
, , ,
, ,
Must be | my con|voy in | the sec|ret night.
, , ,
, ,
Farewell,| be trust|y, and | I'll quit | thy
pains:
, ,
, ,
Farewell,| commend | me to | thy mist|ress.
NURSE
Now God in heaven bless thee: Hark you sir.
ROMEO
What sayst thou my dear nurse?
NURSE
Is your man secret, did you nere hear say two may keep counsel putting one
away.
ROMEO
Warrant thee my man as true as steel.
NURSE
Well sir, my mistress is the sweetest lady, Lord, Lord, when 'twas a little
prating thing. O there is a nobleman in town one Paris, that would fain
lay knife aboard: but she good soul had as lief see a toad, a very toad
as see him: I anger her sometimes, and tell her that Paris is the properer
man, but I'll warrant you, when I say so, she looks as pale as any clout in
the versal world. Doth not rosemary and Romeo begin both with a letter?
ROMEO
Aye nurse, what of that? both with an R.
NURSE
A mocker that's the dog's name. R is for the no, I know it begins with
some other letter, and she hath the prettiest sententious of it, of you and
rosemary, that it would do you good to hear it.
ROMEO
Commend me to thy lady.
[Exit Romeo]
NURSE
Aye a thousand times. Peter?
PETER
Anon.
NURSE
Before and apace.
[Exeunt]