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King Lear

Act I, Scene 5

Court before the same.
 
[Enter LEAR, KENT, and Fool]
 
LEAR
Go you before to Gloucester with these letters; acquaint my daughter no further with anything you know, than comes from her demand out of the letter, if your diligence be not speedy, I shall be there afore you.
 
KENT
I will not sleep my lord, till I have delivered your letter.
 
[Exit]
 
FOOL
If a man's brains were in his heels, were it not in danger of kibes?
 
LEAR
Aye boy.
 
FOOL
Then I prithee be merry, thy wit shall nere go slip-shod.
 
LEAR
Ha, ha, ha.
 
FOOL
Shalt see thy other daughter will use thee kindly, for though she's as like this, as a crab's like an apple, yet I can tell what I can tell.
 
LEAR
What canst tell boy?
 
FOOL
She will taste as like this as, a crab does to a crab: thou canst tell why one's nose stands in the middle on his face?
 
LEAR
No.
 
FOOL
Why to keep one's eyes of either side's nose, that what a man cannot smell out, he may spy into.
 
LEAR
I did her wrong.
 
FOOL
Canst tell how an oyster makes his shell?
 
LEAR
No.
 
FOOL
Nor I neither; but I can tell why a snail has a house.
 
LEAR
Why?
 
FOOL
Why to put his head in, not to give it away to his daughters, and leave his horns without a case.
 
LEAR
I will forget my nature, so kind a father: Be my horses ready?
 
FOOL
Thy asses are gone about 'em; the reason why the seven stars are no more than seven, is a pretty reason.
 
LEAR
Because they are not eight.
 
FOOL
Yes indeed, thou wouldst make a good fool.
 
LEAR
To take it again perforce; Monster ingratitude!
 
FOOL
If thou wert my fool nuncle, I'd have thee beaten for being old before thy time.
 
LEAR
How's that?
 
FOOL
Thou shouldst not have been old, till thou hadst been wise.
 
LEAR
O let me not be mad, not mad sweet heaven: keep me in temper, I would not be mad. How now are the horses ready?
 
GENTLEMAN
Ready my lord.
 
LEAR
Come boy.
 
FOOL
       ,               ,     ,            ,         ,     ,
      She that's | a maid | now, and | laughs at | my de|parture,
             ,      2    ,      ,              ,         ,      ,
      Shall not | be a maid | long, un|less things | be cut | shorter.
 
[Exeunt]

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