Prescanned Shakespeare.com
presented by Acoustic Learning


Henry VIII

Act V, Scene 4

The palace yard.
 
[Noise and tumult within. Enter Porter and his Man]
 
PORTER
You'll leave your noise anon, ye rascals: do you take the court for Paris-garden? ye rude slaves, leave your gaping. Good master porter, I belong to the larder.
 
PORTER
Belong to the gallows, and be hanged, ye rogue! is this a place to roar in? Fetch me a dozen crab-tree staves, and strong ones: these are but switches to 'em. I'll scratch your heads: you must be seeing christenings? do you look for ale and cakes here, you rude rascals?
 
MAN
        ,     2      ,            2     ,       ,     ,
      Pray sir be | patient;| 'tis as much | impos|sible,
          ,         ,          ,          ,          ,       2->
      Unless | we sweep |'em from | the door | with can||nons
           ,             ,   ,         ,         ,
      To scat|ter 'em,/ as 'tis | to make |'em sleep
          ,         ,          ,           ,      ,
      On May-|day* mor|ning, which | will ne|ver be:
          ,      2       ,        ,        ,           ,
      We may | as well push | against | Powle's as | stir em.
 
PORTER
       T   T    T     ,              ,
      How got they | in, and | be hanged?
 
MAN
      <-   ,         ,     T    T    T          ,     ,
         Alas || I know | not, how gets | the tide | in?
      <-        ,        T    T    T     2     ,      ,
        As || much as | one sound cud|gel of four | foot,
      <-        ,          ,       ,         ,        ,
        (You | see the | poor re|mainder)| could dis|tribute,
          ,         ,
      I made | no spare | sir.
 
PORTER
                                ,         ,        ,
                               You | did no|thing sir.
 
MAN
            ,   ,       ,       ,    T   T   T
      I am not Samson, nor Sir Guy, nor Colbrand,
          ,         ,        ,         ,      2     ,     ,
      To mow |'em down | before | me: but | if I spared | any   (hex with prev)
            ,        ,        ,      2      ,         ,
      That had | a head | to hit,| either young | or old,
       ,       ,     ,             ,       ,
      He or | she, cuck/old or | cuckold-|maker,
       ,              ,        ,        ,        ,
      Let me | nere hope | to see | a chine | again,
            ,     2       ,           ,     T    T   T
      And that | I would not | for a cow,| God save her.
 
WITHIN
Do you hear, master porter?
 
PORTER
I shall be with you presently, good master puppy. Keep the door close, sirrah.
 
MAN
What would you have me do?
 
PORTER
What should you do, but knock 'em down by the dozens? Is this Moorfields to muster in? or have we some strange Indian with the great tool come to court, the women so besiege us? Bless me, what a fry of fornication is at door! On my Christian conscience, this one christening will beget a thousand; here will be father, godfather, and all together.
 
MAN
The spoons will be the bigger, sir. There is a fellow somewhat near the door, he should be a brazier by his face, for, of my conscience, twenty of the dog-days now reign in his nose; all that stand about him are under the line, they need no other penance: that fire-drake did I hit three times on the head, and three times was his nose discharged against me; he stands there, like a mortar-piece, to blow us. There was a haberdasher's wife of small wit near him, that railed upon me till her pinked porringer fell off her head, for kindling such a combustion in the state. I missed the meteor once, and hit that woman; who cried out 'Clubs!' when I might see from far some forty truncheoners draw to her succor, which were the hope of the Strand, where she was quartered. They fell on; I made good my place: at length they came to the broom-staff to me; I defied 'em still: when suddenly a file of boys behind 'em, loose shot, delivered such a shower of pebbles, that I was fain to draw mine honor in, and let 'em win the work: the devil was amongst 'em, I think, surely.
 
PORTER
These are the youths that thunder at a playhouse, and fight for bitten apples; that no audience, but the tribulation of Tower-hill, or the limbs of Limehouse, their dear brothers, are able to endure. I have some of 'em in Limbo Patrum, and there they are like to dance these three days; besides the running banquet of two beadles that is to come.
 
[Enter Chamberlain]
 
CHAMBERLAIN
       ,          ,       2   ,      ,          ,
      Mercy | of me:| what a mul|titude | are here?
             ,      ,    ,                 ,       2       ,
      They grow | still too;/ from all*| parts they are | coming,
          ,        ,        ,      T     T    T           ,        o
      As if | we kept | a fair | here? Where are | these^por|ters?
             ,       ,       2       ,    .   T    T   T        o
      These la|zy knaves?| Ye have made | a fine hand fel|lows?    (hex with prev)
             2    ,     ,            ,    T   T    T
      There's^a trim | rabble | let^in:| are all these
             ,          ,        2     ,         ,        2
      Your faith|ful friends | of the sub|urbs? We | shall have
      <-  ,        ,          ,         ,      ,               ,
        Great || store of | room no | doubt, left / for the | ladies,
          2       ,      ,      2        ,    2
      When they pass | back from the | christening?
 
PORTER
                                                       2      ,           ,     ->
                                                    And it please | your ho||nor,
       ,      2     ,          ,        ,   2      ,
      We | are but men;| and what | so ma|ny may* do,
       ,           ,        ,        ,          ,
      Not be|ing torn | to pie|ces, we | have done:
          ,     ,        ,
      An ar|my can|not rule |'em.
 
CHAMBERLAIN
                                   ,       ,
                                  As | I live,
                 ,    ,           x           ,        ,
      If the / king blame | me for it,| I'll lay | ye all
        2      ,          ,      ,        ,          ,
      By the heels,| and sud|denly:| and on | your heads
        T    T     T        2    ,       2     ,       ,
      Clap round fines | for neglect:| ye are la|zy knaves,
            ,        ,     ,            ,    ,
      And here | ye lie | baiting | of bom|bards, when
            ,         ,          ,          ,         ,
      Ye should | do ser|vice. Hark | the trum|pets sound,
                ,       ,       ,          ,       ,
      They're come | alrea|dy from | the chris|tening,
            ,        ,          ,           ,     2     ,
      Go* break | among | the press,| and find | a way^out
          ,          ,       ,    ,                  ,
      To let | the troop | pass fair/ly; or | I'll find
         ,       ,            ,         ,           ,        T   ->
      A Mar|shalsea,| shall hold | ye play | these two || months.
 
PORTER
        T   T      ,      2        ,
      Make way | there for the | princess.
 
MAN
                                                 ,       ,     ->
                                           You great || fellow,
        T     T    T     2       ,           ,       ,
      Stand close up,| or I'll make | your head || ache.
 
PORTER
       ,              ,            ,     2      ,
      You / in the | camlet,| get up | on the rail;
        T    T   T     ,         ___     __
      I'll peck you | ore the | pales | else.
 
[Exeunt]

← Previous Scene | Next Scene →


Home