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The same. A street.
[Enter SPEED and LAUNCE severally]
SPEED
Launce, by mine honesty, welcome to Padua.
LAUNCE
Forswear not thyself, sweet youth, for I am not welcome. I reckon this
always, that a man is never undone till he be hanged, nor never welcome to a
place, till some certain shot be paid, and the hostess say welcome.
SPEED
Come on you madcap: I'll to the alehouse with you presently; where, for one
shot of five pence, thou shalt have five thousand welcomes: But sirrah, how
did thy master part with Madam Julia?
LAUNCE
Marry after they closed in earnest, they parted very fairly in jest.
SPEED
But shall she marry him?
LAUNCE
No.
SPEED
How then? shall he marry her?
LAUNCE
No, neither.
SPEED
What, are they broken?
LAUNCE
No; they are both as whole as a fish.
SPEED
Why then, how stands the matter with them?
LAUNCE
Marry thus, when it stands well with him, it stands well with her.
SPEED
What an ass art thou, I understand thee not.
LAUNCE
What a block art thou, that thou canst not? My staff understands me?
SPEED
What thou sayest?
LAUNCE
Aye, and what I do too: look thee, I'll but lean, and my staff understands
me.
SPEED
It stands under thee indeed.
LAUNCE
Why, stand-under: and under-stand is all one.
SPEED
But tell me true, will it be a match?
LAUNCE
Ask my dog: if he say aye, it will: if he say no, it will: if he shake his
tail, and say nothing, it will.
SPEED
The conclusion is then, that it will.
LAUNCE
Thou shalt never get such a secret from me, but by a parable.
SPEED
'Tis well that I get it so: But Launce, how sayst thou that my master is
become a notable lover?
LAUNCE
I never knew him otherwise.
SPEED
Than how?
LAUNCE
A notable lubber: as thou reportest him to be.
SPEED
Why, thou whoreson ass, thou mistakst me.
LAUNCE
Why fool, I meant not thee, I meant thy master.
SPEED
I tell thee, my master is become a hot lover.
LAUNCE
Why, I tell thee, I care not, though he burn himself in love. If thou wilt
go with me to the alehouse: if not, thou art a Hebrew, a Jew, and not worth
the name of a Christian.
SPEED
Why?
LAUNCE
Because thou hast not so much charity in thee as to go to the ale with a
Christian: Wilt thou go?
SPEED
At thy service.
[Exeunt]