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Another part of the Park.
[Enter FALSTAFF disguised as Herne]
FALSTAFF
The Windsor bell hath struck twelve: the minute draws on: Now the
hot-blooded gods assist me. Remember Jove, thou wast a bull for thy Europa,
love set on thy horns. O powerful love, that in some respects makes a
beast a man: in some other, a man a beast. You were also (Jupiter) a swan,
for the love of Leda: O omnipotent Love, how near the god drew to the
complexion of a goose: A fault done first in the form of a beast, (O Jove, a
beastly fault): And then another fault, in the semblance of a fowl, think on
it (Jove) a foul fault. When gods have hot backs, what shall poor men do?
For me, I am here a Windsor stag, and the fattest (I think) in the forest.
Send me a cool rut-time (Jove) or who can blame me to piss my tallow? Who
comes here? my doe?
[Enter MISTRESS FORD and MISTRESS PAGE]
MISTRESS FORD
Sir John? Art thou there (my deer?) my male deer?
FALSTAFF
My doe, with the black scut? Let the sky rain potatoes: let it thunder, to the
tune of Greensleeves, hail kissing-comfits, and snow eringoes: let there
come a tempest of provocation, I will shelter me here.
MISTRESS FORD
Mistress Page is come with me (sweetheart).
FALSTAFF
Divide me like a bribe buck, each a haunch: I will keep my sides to myself,
my shoulders for the fellow of this walk; and my horns I bequeath your
husbands. Am I a woodman, ha? Speak I like Herne the hunter? Why, now is
Cupid a child of conscience, he makes restitution. As I am a true spirit,
welcome.
[Noise within]
MISTRESS PAGE
Alas, what noise?
MISTRESS FORD
Heaven forgive our sins.
FALSTAFF
What should this be?
MISTRESS FORD MISTRESS PAGE
Away, away.
[They run off]
FALSTAFF
,
, ,
, ,
I think | the dev|il will / not have | me damned,
,
, ,
, ,
, ->
Lest the | oil that's | in me | should set | hell
on || fire;
,
, ,
__
He | would nev|er else | cross me | thus.
[Enter SIR HUGH EVANS, disguised as before; PISTOL, as Hobgoblin; MISTRESS
QUICKLY, ANNE PAGE, and others, as Fairies, with tapers]
MISTRESS QUICKLY
,
___ __ ___ ,
Fairies,| black,| grey,| green,| and white,
, , ,
, ,
You moon|shine rev/ellers,| and shades | of
night,
,
, , , ,
You orph|an heirs | of fix|ed dest|iny,
, ,
, , ,
Attend | your of|fice, and | your qual|ity.
Tx T T ,
, ,
Crier Hobgob|lin, make | the fai|ry oyes.
PISTOL
,
, ,
, ,
Elves, list^|your names:| silence | you ai|ry
toys.
,
, ,
, ,
Cricket,| to Wind|sor chim|neys shalt | thou
leap:
,
, ,
, ,
Where fires | thou findst | unraked,| and hearths
| unswept,
,
, ,
, ,
There* pinch | the maids | as blue | as
bil|berry,
, 2
, T T . T ,
Our rad|iant queen,| hates sluts, and slut|tery.
FALSTAFF
2 ,
, , ,
,
They are fair|ies, he | that speaks | to them |
shall die,
, ,
, , ,
I'll wink,| and couch:| no man | their works |
must^eye.
[Lies down upon his face]
SIR HUGH EVANS
, ,
, ,
,
Where's Bede?| Go you,| and where | you find | a
maid
, ,
, ,
,
That ere | she sleep,| has thrice | her pra|yers
said,
,
, , , ,
Raise up | the org|ans of | her fant|asy,
,
, ,
, ,
Sleep she | as sound | as care|less in|fancy,
, ,
, ,
,
But those | as sleep,| and think | not on | their
sins,
,
__ __ ___ ,
, ___
->
Pinch them,| arms,| legs,| backs,| shoulders,||
sides, and | shins.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
,
, oo
About,| about:|
, ,
, , ,
Search^Wind|sor Cas|tle (elves)| within,| and
out.
, ,
, 2 , ,
Strew* good | luck^(ouphes)| on eve|ry sac|red
room,
,
, ,
, 2 ,
That it | may stand | till the | perpe|tual doom,
, ,
, ,
,
In state | as whole|some, as | in state |'tis
fit,
,
, ,
, ,
Worthy | the own|er, and | the own|er it.
,
, ,
, ,
The seve|ral chairs | of ord|er, look | you scour
, ,
, ,
x
With juice | of balm;| and eve|ry pre|cious
flower,
,
, , ,
,
Each^fair | install|ment, coat,| and seve|ral
crest,
, ,
, ,
,
With loy|al blaz|on, ev|ermore | be blessed.
, ,
, , ,
And night|ly mead|ow-fair|ies, look | you sing
,
, , , ,
Like to | the Gart|er's comp|ass, in | a ring,
2 ,
, ,
T T . T
The expres|sure that | it bears:| green let it
be,
, ,
, ,
,
More fert|ile-fresh | than all | the field | to
see:
, ,
, , ,
And, Ho|ni soit | qui mal | y pen|se, write
, 2
, Tx Tx T
,
In em|erald tufts,| flowers purple, blue,| and
white,
, , , , ,
Let sapph|ire pearl,| and rich | embroid|ery,
,
, , ,
,
Buckled | below | fair* knight|hood's^bend|ing
knee,
,
, ,
, x
Fairies | use^flo|wers for | their char|actery.
,
, ,
, ,
Away,| disperse:| but till |'tis one | o'clock,
,
, ,
, ,
Our dance | of cust|om, round | about | the oak
, ,
3 3 , ,
Of Herne | the hunt|er, let us not | forget.
SIR HUGH EVANS
<- ,
T T . T
, , ,
Pray you || lock hand in hand:| yourselves |
in ord|er set
, ,
, , ,
And twen|ty glow-|worms shall | our lant|erns be,
, ,
, ,
,
To guide | our meas|ure round | about | the tree.
,
, , ,
,
But stay,| I smell | a man | of mid|dle earth.
FALSTAFF
,
, ,
, ,
Heavens | defend | me from | that Welsh | fairy,
,
, , ,
,
Lest he | transform | me to | a piece | of
cheese.
PISTOL
, , T
T Tx 2 ,
Vile worm,/ thou wast | orelooked even | in thy
birth.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
, ,
, , ,
With tri|al-fire | touch me | his fing|er-end:
,
, , ,
,
If he | be chaste,| the flame | will back |
descend
,
, , ,
,
And turn | him to / no pain:| but if | he start,
,
, ,
, ,
It is | the flesh | of a | corrupt|ed heart.
PISTOL
,
,
A tri|al, come.
SIR HUGH EVANS
, 2 T T
T
Come: will this | wood take fire?
[They burn him with their tapers]
FALSTAFF
Oh, Oh, Oh.
MISTRESS QUICKLY
, ,
, , ,
Corrupt,| corrupt,| and taint|ed in | desire.
, ,
, ,
,
About | him (fair|ies) sing | a scorn|ful rhyme,
,
, , ,
,
And as | you trip,| still* pinch | him to | your
time.
[sings]
,
, , __ ,
, ,
__
Fie on | sinful | fanta|sy:| fie on | lust, and |
luxu|ry:
,
, ,
__ ,
, ,
__
Lust is | but a | bloody | fire,| kindled | with
un|chaste de|sire,
,
, ,
___
Fed in | heart whose^|flames a|spire,
, ,
x x
As thoughts | do blow | them higher | and higher.
,
, ,
,
Pinch him |(fairies)| mutu|ally:
,
, , __
Pinch him | for his | villa|ny.
,
, ,
__
Pinch him, and | burn him, and | turn him a|bout,
<- ,
, D
D
___
Till || candles, and | starlight, and | moonshine | be
out.
[During this song they pinch FALSTAFF. DOCTOR CAIUS comes one way, and
steals away a boy in green; SLENDER another way, and takes off a boy in
white; and FENTON comes and steals away ANN PAGE. A noise of hunting is
heard within. All the Fairies run away. FALSTAFF pulls off his buck's head,
and rises. Enter PAGE, FORD, MISTRESS PAGE, and MISTRESS FORD]
PAGE
Nay do not fly, I think we have watched you now: will none but Herne the
hunter serve your turn?
MISTRESS PAGE
, ,
, ,
x
I pray | you come,| hold up | the jest | no
higher.
,
, , ,
,
Now (good*| Sir John)| how like | you Wind|sor
wives?
,
, ,
, ,
See you | these* hus|band? Do | not these*/ fair
yokes
,
, ,
, ,
Become | the for|est bet|ter than | the town?
FORD
Now sir, who's a cuckold now?
Master Brook, Falstaff's a knave, a cuckoldly
knave,
Here are his horns Master Brook:
And Master Brook, he hath enjoyed
nothing of Ford's, but his buck-basket, his cudgel, and twenty pounds of
money, which must be paid to Master Brook, his horses are arrested for it,
Master Brook.
MISTRESS FORD
Sir John, we have had ill luck: we could never meet: I will never take you
for my love again, but I will always count you my deer.
FALSTAFF
I do begin to perceive that I am made an ass.
FORD
Aye, and an ox too: both the proofs are extant.
FALSTAFF
And these are not fairies:
I was three or four times in the thought they
were not fairies, and yet the guiltiness of my mind, the sudden surprise of
my powers, drove the grossness of the foppery into a received belief, in
despite of the teeth of all rhyme and reason, that they were fairies. See
now how wit may be made a Jack-a-Lent, when 'tis upon ill employment.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Sir John Falstaff, serve Got, and leave your desires, and fairies will not
pinse you.
FORD
Well said fairy Hugh.
SIR HUGH EVANS
And leave your jealousies too, I pray you.
FORD
I will never mistrust my wife again, till thou art able to woo her in good
English.
FALSTAFF
Have I laid my brain in the sun, and dried it, that it wants matter to
prevent so gross orereaching as this? Am I ridden with a Welsh goat too?
shall I have a coxcomb of frize? 'Tis time I were choked with a piece of
toasted cheese.
SIR HUGH EVANS
Seese is not good to give putter; your belly is all putter.
FALSTAFF
Seese, and putter? Have I lived to stand at the taunt of one that makes
fritters of English? This is enough to be the decay of lust and late-walking
through the realm.
MISTRESS PAGE
Why Sir John, do you think though we would have the virtue out of our
hearts by the head and shoulders, and have given ourselves without scruple to
hell, that ever the devil could have made you our delight?
FORD
What, a hodge-pudding? a bag of flax?
MISTRESS PAGE
A puffed man?
PAGE
Old, cold, withered, and of intolerable entrails?
FORD
And one that is as slanderous as Satan?
PAGE
And as poor as Job?
FORD
And as wicked as his wife?
SIR HUGH EVANS
And given to fornications, and to taverns, and sack, and wine, and metheglins,
and to drinkings and swearings, and starings? pribbles and prabbles?
FALSTAFF
Well, I am your theme: you have the start of me, I am dejected: I am not
able to answer the Welsh flannel, ignorance itself is a plummet ore me, use
me as you will.
FORD
Marry sir, we'll bring you to Windsor to one Master Brook, that you have
cozened of money, to whom you should have been a pander: over and above that
you have suffered, I think, to repay that money will be a biting affliction.
PAGE
Yet be cheerful knight: thou shalt eat a posset tonight at my house, where
I will desire thee to laugh at my wife, that now laughs at thee: tell her
Master Slender hath married her daughter.
MISTRESS PAGE
Doctors doubt that;
If Anne Page be my daughter, she is (by this) Doctor
Caius' wife.
[Enter SLENDER]
SLENDER
Whoa ho, ho, father Page.
PAGE
Son? how now? how now son?
Have you dispatched?
SLENDER
Dispatched? I'll make the best in Gloucestershire know on it: would I were
hanged la, else.
PAGE
Of what son?
SLENDER
I came yonder at Eton to marry Mistress Anne Page, and she's a great
lubberly boy. If it had not been in the church, I would have swinged him, or
he should have swinged me. If I did not think it had been Anne Page, would I
might never stir, and 'tis a postmaster's boy.
PAGE
Upon my life then, you took the wrong.
SLENDER
What need you tell me that? I think so, when I took a boy for a girl: If I
had been married to him (for all he was in woman's apparel) I would not have
had him.
PAGE
Why this is your own folly,
Did not I tell you how you should know my
daughter, by her garments?
SLENDER
I went to her in green, and cried mum, and she cried budget, as Anne and I
had appointed, and yet it was not Anne, but a postmaster's boy.
MISTRESS PAGE
Good George, be not angry, I knew of your purpose: turned my daughter into
white, and indeed she is now with the doctor at the deanery, and there
married.
[Enter DOCTOR CAIUS]
DOCTOR CAIUS
Vere is Mistress Page: By gar I am cozened, I have married un garcon, a
boy; un paysan, by gar. A boy, it is not Anne Page, by gar, I am cozened.
MISTRESS PAGE
Why? did you take her in white?
DOCTOR CAIUS
Aye by gar, and 'tis a boy: by gar, I'll raise all Windsor.
[Exit]
FORD
This is strange: Who hath got the right Anne?
PAGE
My heart misgives me, here comes Master Fenton. How now Master Fenton?
[Enter FENTON and ANNE PAGE]
ANNE PAGE
Pardon good father, good my mother pardon.
PAGE
Now mistress:
,
, ,
, ,
How chance | you went | not with | Master |
Slender?
MISTRESS PAGE
,
, ,
, ,
Why went | you not | with mast|er doc|tor, maid?
FENTON
, ,
, ,
,
You do | amaze | her: hear | the truth | of it,
,
, ,
, ,
You would | have mar|ried her | most shame|fully,
,
, ,
, ,
Where* there | was no | propor|tion held | in
love.
, ,
, ,
, 2->
The truth | is, she | and I |(long since^|contract||ed)
, ,
, ,
x
Are now | so sure | that noth|ing can | dissolve
us:
2 ,
, , ,
2 ,
The offense | is ho|ly, that | she hath
com|mitted,
, ,
, ,
,
And this | deceit | loses | the name | of craft,
, , 2
, , 2 x
Of dis|obed|ience, or | undut|eous title,
, ,
, ,
,
Since^there|in she | doth ev|itate | and shun
,
, , ,
x
A thous|and ir|relig|ious curs|ed hours
, ,
, ,
,
Which forced | marriage | would have | brought u|pon her.
FORD
,
, , ,
,
Stand not | amazed,| here is | no rem|edy:
, x
, , ,
In love,| the heavens | themselves | do guide |
the state,
T . T T
, ,
,
Money buys lands,| and wives | are sold | by
fate.
FALSTAFF
I am glad, though you have tane a special stand to strike at me, that your
arrow hath glanced.
PAGE
Well, what remedy? Fenton, heaven give thee joy, what cannot be eschewed,
must be embraced.
FALSTAFF
When night-dogs run, all sorts of deer are chased.
MISTRESS PAGE
, 2
, ,
, ,
Well, I will | muse no | further:| Master |
Fenton,
x
, , ,
,
Heaven give^|you ma|ny, ma|ny mer|ry days:
??
,
, ,
, ,
Good hus|band, let | us ev|ery one | go home,
, ,
, , ,
And laugh | this sport | ore by | a count|ry
fire,
,
,
Sir John | and all.
FORD
, ,
,
Let it | be so (Sir John):
, ,
, , ,
To mast|er Brook,| you yet | shall hold | your
word,
,
, , ,
,
For he,| tonight,| shall lie | with Mist|ress
Ford.
[Exeunt]