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The Comedy of Errors

Act II, Scene 2

A public place.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
            ,        ,        ,   2         ,   ,
      The gold | I gave | to Dro|mio is / laid up
        ,            ,    ,               ,        ,
      Safe at | the Cen|taur, and | the heed|ful slave
          ,          ,          ,         ,        ,
      Is wan|dered forth | in care | to seek | me out
           ,    ,       ,            ,         ,
      By comp|uta|tion and | mine host's | report.
          ,           ,           ,   2    ,          ,
      I could | not speak | with Dro|mio since | at first
          ,          ,          ,          ,         ,
      I sent | him from | the mart?| See here | he comes.
           ,     ,     2        ,       ,       ,
      How now | sir, is your | merry | humor | altered?
                 ,     ,           ,          ,      ,
      As you / love strokes,| so jest | with me | again.
            ,        ,         ,         ,          ,
      You know | no Cen|taur? You | received | no gold?
            ,          ,         ,         ,          x
      Your mis|tress sent | to have | me home | to dinner?
           ,          ,         ,         ,          ,
      My house | was at | the Phoe|nix? Wast | thou mad,
             ,        ,       ,           ,       ,
      That thus | so mad|ly thou | didst an|swer me?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
            ,       ,           ,         ,        ,
      What an|swer sir?| When spake | I such | a word?
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
            ,           ,          ,        ,      ,
      Eene^now,| eene^here,| not half | an ho|ur since.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
         ,         ,          ,           ,         ,
      I did | not see | you since | you sent | me hence,
        ,            ,    ,      2        ,          ,
      Home to | the Cen|taur with the | gold you | gave me.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
       ,               ,        ,          ,         ,
      Villain,| thou didst | deny | the gold's | receipt,
             ,         ,      ,          ,         x
      And toldst | me of | a mis|tress, and | a dinner;
            ,         ,            ,        ,          ,
      For which | I hope | thou feltst | I was | displeased.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
       2     ,        ,         ,         ,       ,
      I am glad | to see | you in | this mer|ry vein,
             ,            ,        ,         ,        ,        ->
      What means | this jest,| I pray | you mas|ter tell || me?
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
       ,      ,           ,          ,          2      ,
      Yea,| dost thou | jeer and | flout me | in the teeth?
         ,               ,      ,                 ,          ,
      Thinkst thou | I jest?| Hold, take | thou that,| and that.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
        ,              ,       ,       2         ,        ,
      Hold sir,| for God's | sake, now* your | jest is | earnest,  ??
        ,          ,        ,         ,        ,
      Upon | what bar|gain do | you give | it me?
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
          ,          ,      ,            ,   ,
      Because | that I | famil|iarly / sometimes
          ,         ,         ,          ,          ,
      Do use | you for | my fool | and chat | with you,
            ,      ,           ,      ,         ,
      Your sau|ciness | will jest | upon | my love
            ,       ,       ,       ,   2     ,
      And make | a com|mon of | my se|rious hours.
          2     ,       ,          ,          T     T    T
      When the sun | shines let | foolish | gnats make sport,
            ,          ,         ,         ,           ,
      But creep | in cran|nies when | he hides | his beams.
       ,    2         ,      2       T   T  T  __
      If you will | jest with me,| know my as|pect,  ??
           ,         ,       ,       ,        ,
      And fa|shion your | demea|nor to | my looks,
         ,          ,          ,       ,           ,
      Or I | will beat | this me|thod in | your sconce.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Sconce call you it? so you would leave battering, I had rather have it a head: an you use these blows long, I must get a sconce for my head and ensconce it too; or else I shall seek my wit in my shoulders. But, I pray, sir why am I beaten?
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Dost thou not know?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Nothing, sir, but that I am beaten.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Shall I tell you why?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Aye, sir, and wherefore; for they say every why hath a wherefore.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why first for flouting me, and then wherefore, for urging it the second time to me.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Was there ever any man thus beaten out of season, When in the why and the wherefore, is neither rhyme nor reason? Well, sir, I thank you.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Thank me sir, for what?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, for this something that you gave me for nothing.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I'll make you amends next, to give you nothing for something. But say, sir, is it dinner-time?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
No, sir; I think the meat wants that I have.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
In good time, sir; what's that?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Basting.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Well, sir, then 'twill be dry.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
If it be, sir, I pray you, eat none of it.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Your reason?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Lest it make you choleric and purchase me another dry basting.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Well, sir, learn to jest in good time: there's a time for all things.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
I durst have denied that, before you were so choleric.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
By what rule, sir?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, sir, by a rule as plain as the plain bald pate of father Time himself.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Let's hear it.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
There's no time for a man to recover his hair that grows bald by nature.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
May he not do it by fine and recovery?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Yes, to pay a fine for a periwig and recover the lost hair of another man.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why is Time such a niggard of hair, being, as it is, so plentiful an excrement?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Because it is a blessing that he bestows on beasts; and what he hath scanted men in hair he hath given them in wit.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why, but there's many a man hath more hair than wit.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Not a man of those but he hath the wit to lose his hair.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Why, thou didst conclude hairy men plain dealers without wit.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
The plainer dealer, the sooner lost: yet he loseth it in a kind of jollity.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
For what reason?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
For two; and sound ones too.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Nay, not sound, I pray you.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Sure ones, then.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Nay, not sure, in a thing falsing.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Certain ones then.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
Name them.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
The one, to save the money that he spends in trimming; the other, that at dinner they should not drop in his porridge.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
You would all this time have proved there is no time for all things.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Marry, and did, sir; namely, no time to recover hair lost by nature.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
But your reason was not substantial, why there is no time to recover.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
Thus I mend it: Time himself is bald and therefore to the world's end will have bald followers.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
I knew 'twould be a bald conclusion: But, soft! who wafts us yonder?
 
[Enter ADRIANA and LUCIANA]
 
ADRIANA
           ,       ,            ,     ,            ,
      Aye^aye,| Anti|pholus,/ look strange | and frown,
           ,       ,    ,       2        T    T  T
      Some^o|ther mis|tress hath thy | sweet aspects;
              ,  ,    ,     ,          ,
      I am / not A|dria|na nor | thy wife.
            ,          ,           ,        ,              ,
      The time | was once,| when thou | unurged | wouldst vow,
            ,       ,           ,      ,          ,
      That ne|ver words | were mu|sic to | thine^ear,
            ,      ,        ,        ,          ,
      That ne|ver ob|ject^plea|sing in | thine eye,
            ,       ,       ,   ,                  ,
      That ne|ver touch | well wel/come to | thy hand,
            ,       ,      ,    ,                  ,
      That ne|ver meat | sweet-sa/vored in | thy taste,
          ,        ,           ,           ,            ,        2     ->
      Unless | I spake,| or looked,| or touched,| or carved || to thee.
       ,         2    ,        ,         ,            x
      How | comes^it now,| my hus|band, oh | how comes it,  ??
             ,          ,       ,         ,         ,
      That thou | art thus | estran|ged from | thyself?
           ,        ,         ,        ,          ,
      Thyself | I call | it, be|ing strange | to me,
            ,    ,    ,       ,      ,
      That un|divi|dable | incor|porate
          ,                    ,    ,     ,        ,
      Am bet|ter than thy // dear self's bet|ter part.
          ,         ,      ,         ,          ,
      Ah do | not tear | away | thyself | from me;
            ,         ,        ,      ,            ,
      For know | my love:| as ea|sy mayst | thou fall
          ,        ,      ,         ,         ,
      A drop | of wa|ter in | the brea|king gulf,
            ,     ,  ,               T    T  .  T
      And take | unming/led that | same drop again,
          ,        ,       ,      ,     ,
      Without | addi|tion or | dimi|nishing,
           ,          ,        ,         ,        ,
      As take | from me | thyself,| and not | me too.
            ,       ,          ,         ,         ,
      How dear|ly would | it touch | me to | the quick,
                 ,          ,        ,       ,         o
      Shouldst thou | but hear | I were | licen|tious?
            ,          ,     ,      ,          ,
      And that | this bo|dy con|secrate | to thee,
          ,   2     ,            ,       ,     ,
      By ruf|fian lust | should be | conta|minate?
                ,          ,        ,         ,         ,
      Wouldst thou | not spit | at me,| and spurn | at me,
            ,          ,        ,        ,        ,
      And hurl | the name | of hus|band in | my face,
            ,           ,        ,            ,        ,
      And tear | the stained | skin off | my har|lot-brow,
       ,      2       T     T   T         ,         ,
      And from my | false hand cut | the wed|ding ring,
            ,          ,        ,      ,        ,
      And break | it with | a deep-|divor|cing vow?
          ,           ,           ,         ,           x
      I know | thou canst,| and there|fore see | thou do it.
      ,            ,       ,         ,    2      ,
      I am | possessed | with an | adul|terate blot,
           ,         ,         ,          ,          ,
      My blood | is min|gled with | the crime | of lust:
           ,       ,        ,     .    T    T    T
      For if | we two | be one,| and thou play false,
         ,       ,         ,       ,         ,
      I do | digest | the poi|son of | thy flesh,
       ,        ,      ,        ,       ,
      Being | strumpe|ted by | thy con|tagion:
        ,          T     T    .    T                  ,   ,
      Keep then*| far league and truce | with thy / true bed,
      ,            ,            ,     ,    ,
      I live^|unstained,| thou^un|disho|nored.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
        ,      2      T   T    T        ,         ,
      Plead you to | me fair dame?| I know | you not:
         ,     ,    ,   2       T    T    T
      In E|phesus | I am but | two hours old,
            ,         ,          ,        ,          ,
      As strange | unto | your town | as to | your talk,
           ,       ,        ,        ,      2      ,
      Who ev|ery word | by all | my wit | being scanned,
             ,        ,          ,        ,      ,
      Wants^wit | in all,| one^word | to un|derstand.
 
LUCIANA
       ,   ,                    ,           ,            ,
      Fie bro/ther, how*| the world | is changed | with you:
        ,               ,        ,        ,        ,
      When were | you wont | to use | my sis|ter thus?
            ,         ,        ,   2    ,          x
      She sent | for you | by Dro|mio home | to dinner.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
By Dromio?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
By me.
 
ADRIANA
           ,          ,           ,         ,          ,
      By thee,| and this | thou didst | return | from him,
            ,        ,        ,         ,         ,
      That he | did buf|fet thee,| and in | his blows,
          ,         ,          ,     ,             ,
      Denied | my house | for his,| me for | his wife.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
       ,             ,      ,      2        ,      ,
      Did you | converse | sir with this | gentle|woman:
        ,              ,           ,                ,   ,
      What is | the course | and drift | of your / compact?
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
      ,          ,      ,          ,           ,
      I sir?| I ne|ver saw | her till | this time.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
       ,               ,         ,    2     ,      ,
      Villain | thou liest,| for e|ven her ve|ry words
        ,             ,      ,       ,         ,
      Didst thou | deli|ver to | me on | the mart.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
         ,       ,           ,        ,         ,
      I ne|ver spake | with her | in all | my life.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
       ,              ,           ,        ,         ,
      How can | she thus | then call | us by | our names?
          ,        ,       ,     ,       o
      Unless | it be | by in|spira|tion.
 
ADRIANA
           ,        ,         ,          ,     ,
      How ill | agrees | it with | your gra|vity,
           ,       ,           ,        ,           ,
      To coun|terfeit | thus gross|ly with | your slave,
        ,        ,          ,         ,        ,
      Abet|ting him | to thwart | me in | my mood;
       ,           ,          ,          ,       ,
      Be it | my wrong,| you are | from me | exempt,
            ,           ,      ,              ,         ,
      But wrong | not that | wrong with | a more | contempt.
        ,            ,       ,           ,          ,
      Come I | will fas|ten on | this sleeve | of thine:
            ,        ,        ,        ,       ,
      Thou art | an elm | my hus|band, I | a vine:
              ,        ,        ,         ,         ,
      Whose^weak|ness mar|ried to | thy stron|ger state,
        ,          ,            ,             ,     ,
      Makes me | with thy | strength to | commu|nicate:
           ,          ,           ,         ,        ,
      If aught | possess | thee from | me, it | is dross,
        ,       ,       x        ,       ,
      Usur|ping i|vy, brier,| or i|dle moss,
           ,          ,        ,          ,        ,      o
      Who all | for want | of pru|ning, with | intru|sion,
          ,         ,          ,        ,        ,      o
      Infect | thy sap | and live | on thy | confu|sion.   (hex with prev)
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
          ,          ,           ,         ,          ,
      To me | she speaks,| she moves | me for | her theme;
        ,            ,        ,        ,        ,
      What, was | I mar|ried to | her in | my dream?
           ,        ,          ,         ,          ,
      Or sleep | I now,| and think | I hear | all this?
            ,        ,           ,          ,       ,
      What er|ror drives | our eyes | and ears | amiss?
         ,        ,           ,       ,       ,
      Until | I know | this sure | uncer|tainty,
            ,      ,         ,        ,     ,
      I'll en|tertain | the of|fered fal|lacy.
 
LUCIANA
       ,  2        ,         ,           ,            x
      Dromio,| go bid | the ser|vants spread | for dinner.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
          ,         ,         ,         ,         x
      Oh for | my beads,| I cross | me for | a sinner.
        ,            ,       ,        ,           ,
      This is | the fai|ry land,| O spite | of spites,
           ,          ,          ,           ,      oo
      We talk | with gob|lins, owls | and sprites:|
          ,     ,          ,      ,            ,
      If we | obey | them not,| this will | ensue,
                ,           ,          ,          ,           ,
      They'll suck | our breath,| or pinch | us black | and blue.
 
LUCIANA
             ,           ,        ,         ,         ,
      Why pratst | thou to | thyself,| and an|swerst not?
       ,  3  3        ,  2           ,            ,          ,
      Dromio, thou | Dromio,| thou snail,| thou slug,| thou sot.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
      ,            ,       ,        ,      ,
      I am | transfor|med mas|ter, am | I not?
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
          ,           ,         ,         ,      ,
      I think | thou art | in mind,| and so | am I.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
            ,         ,         ,         ,        ,
      Nay* mas|ter, both | in mind,| and in | my shape.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
        ,                ,      T
      Thou hast | thine own | form.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
                                     T  T     2    ,
                                    No, I | am an ape.
 
LUCIANA
           ,           ,           ,           ,       ,
      If thou | art changed | to aught,| 'tis to | an ass.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
             ,          ,          ,        ,          ,
      'Tis true | she rides | me, and | I long | for grass.
            ,      ,       ,          ,          ,      ,
      'Tis so,| I am | an ass,| else it | could ne|ver be,
          ,            ,     ,           2    ,           ,
      But I | should know | her as | well^as she | knows^me.
 
ADRIANA
        T     T    T    ,            ,     2    ,
      Come, come, no | longer | will I | be a fool,
          ,         ,       ,        ,          ,
      To put | the fin|ger in | the eye | and weep;
              ,         ,        ,          ,         ,
      Whilst^man | and mas|ter laugh | my woes | to scorn:
            ,        ,        ,   2    ,          ,
      Come sir | to din|ner. Dro|mio keep | the gate.
       ,               ,       ,          ,       ,
      Husband | I'll dine | above | with you | today,
             ,          ,       ,       ,        ,
      And shrive | you of | a thou|sand i|dle pranks:
       ,          ,     ,     ,     2        ,
      Sirrah,| if a|ny ask | you for your | master,
       T   .   T     T        2     ,     ,         ,
      Say he dines forth,| and let no | creature | enter.
            ,        ,   2    ,         ,        ,
      Come^sis|ter, Dro|mio play | the por|ter well.
 
ANTIPHOLUS OF SYRACUSE
         ,        ,         ,        ,        ,
      Am I | in earth,| in hea|ven, or | in hell?
        ,            ,        ,         ,       ,
      Sleeping | or wa|king, mad | or well-|advised:
        ,           ,          ,       ,          ,
      Known un|to these,| and to | myself | disguised:
            ,         ,           ,        ,      ,
      I'll say | as they | say,| and | perse|ver so:
           ,          ,        ,       ,         ,
      And in | this mist | at all | adven|tures go.
 
DROMIO OF SYRACUSE
       ,         ,           ,       ,         ,
      Master,| shall I | be por|ter at | the gate?
 
ADRIANA
       ,          ,         ,          2    ,            ,
      Aye, and | let none^|enter,| lest^I break | your pate.
 
LUCIANA
        T     T    . T   2      ,     T   T    T
      Come, come, Anti|pholus, we | dine too late.
 
[Exeunt]

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