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All's Well That Ends Well

Act IV, Scene 5

Rousillon. The COUNT's palace.
 
[Enter COUNTESS, LAFEU, and Clown]
 
LAFEU
No, no, no, your son was misled with a snipped-taffeta fellow there, whose villanous saffron would have made all the unbaked and doughy youth of a nation in his color: your daughter-in-law had been alive at this hour, and your son here at home, more advanced by the king, than by that red-tailed humble-bee I speak of.
 
COUNTESS
I would I had not known him, it was the death of the most virtuous gentlewoman, that ever nature had praise for creating. If she had partaken of my flesh and cost me the dearest groans of a mother, I could not have owed her a more rooted love.
 
LAFEU
'Twas a good lady, 'twas a good lady. we may pick a thousand salads ere we light on such another herb.
 
CLOWN
Indeed sir she was the sweet marjoram of the salad, or rather the herb of grace.
 
LAFEU
They are not herbs you knave, they are nose-herbs.
 
CLOWN
I am no great Nebuchadnezzar sir, I have not much skill in grass.
 
LAFEU
Whether dost thou profess thyself, a knave or a fool?
 
CLOWN
A fool sir at a woman's service, and a knave at a man's.
 
LAFEU
Your distinction.
 
CLOWN
I would cozen the man of his wife and do his service.
 
LAFEU
So you were a knave at his service indeed.
 
CLOWN
And I would give his wife my bauble sir to do her service.
 
LAFEU
I will subscribe for thee, thou art both knave and fool.
 
CLOWN
At your service.
 
LAFEU
No, no, no.
 
CLOWN
Why sir, if I cannot serve you, I can serve as great a prince as you are.
 
LAFEU
Who's that, a Frenchman?
 
CLOWN
Faith sir he has an English main, but his fisnomy is more hotter in France than there.
 
LAFEU
What prince is that?
 
CLOWN
The black prince sir, alias the prince of darkness, alias the devil.
 
LAFEU
Hold thee there's my purse: I give thee not this to suggest thee from thy master thou talkest of, serve him still.
 
CLOWN
I am a woodland fellow sir, that always loved a great fire, and the master I speak of ever keeps a good fire, but sure he is the prince of the world, let his nobility remain in his court. I am for the house with the narrow gate, which I take to be too little for pomp to enter: some that humble themselves may, but the many will be too chill and tender, and they'll be for the flowery way that leads to the broad gate, and the great fire.
 
LAFEU
Go thy ways, I begin to be aweary of thee, and I tell thee so before, because I would not fall out with thee. Go thy ways, let my horses be well looked to, without any tricks.
 
CLOWN
If I put any tricks upon 'em sir, they shall be jades' tricks, which are their own right by the law of nature.
 
[Exit]
 
LAFEU
A shrewd knave and an unhappy.
 
COUNTESS
So he is. My lord that's gone made himself much sport out of him, by his authority he remains here, which he thinks is a patent for his sauciness, and indeed he has no pace, but runs where he will.
 
LAFEU
I like him well, 'tis not amiss: and I was about to tell you, since I heard of the good lady's death, and that my lord your son was upon his return home. I moved the king my master to speak in the behalf of my daughter, which in the minority of them both, his majesty out of a self-gracious remembrance did first propose, his highness hath promised me to do it, and, to stop up the displeasure he hath conceived against your son, there is no fitter matter. How does your ladyship like it?
 
COUNTESS
With very much content my lord, and I wish it happily effected.
 
LAFEU
His highness comes post from Marseilles, of as able body as when he numbered thirty, he will be here tomorrow, or I am deceived by him that in such intelligence hath seldom failed.
 
COUNTESS
It rejoices me, that I hope I shall see him ere I die. I have letters that my son will be here tonight: I shall beseech your lordship to remain with me, till they meet together.
 
LAFEU
Madam, I was thinking with what manners I might safely be admitted.
 
COUNTESS
You need but plead your honorable privilege.
 
LAFEU
Lady, of that I have made a bold charter, but I thank my God, it holds yet.
 
[Enter Clown]
 
CLOWN
O madam, yonder's my lord your son with a patch of velvet on his face, whether there be a scar under it or no, the velvet knows, but 'tis a goodly patch of velvet, his left cheek is a cheek of two pile and a half, but his right cheek is worn bare.
 
LAFEU
A scar nobly got,
Or a noble scar, is a good livery of honor,
So belike is that.
 
CLOWN
But it is your carbonadoed face.
 
LAFEU
Let us go see
Your son I pray you, I long to talk
With the young noble soldier.
 
CLOWN
Faith there's a dozen of 'em, with delicate fine hats, and most courteous feathers, which bow the head, and nod at every man.
 
[Exeunt]

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